In Too Deep//l.h

Six

I thought about Luke. I thought about him everyday. The idea of him seemed to be etched into my mind. We'd texted, a lot. But it wasnt the same. I wanted to see him, I wanted to hear his voice, inhale his scent. I wanted all of these simple, minute things- yet couldn't bring myself to it.

Maybe he doesnt want to see me again.

But he made me promise to keep in touch.

He was just saying that, he says that to every girl.

But our kiss.

How many girls do you think this boy had kissed? Jesus Anna, what makes you so special?

My thoughts constantly contradicted each other, my mind was blurred with what I wanted, what he wanted, reality, and fiction.

 It was 11:00 AM, I was having a lazy day, draped across the sofa in my pyjamas, my hair was a wreck and I had no makeup on, but it didn’t matter.

My lack of plans meant family Netflix account was all I needed today. Once again I was left to my own devices, alone in the house. I reached for the remote control as I heard a soft tap on the door. Endorphins rushed around my body and brain as the idea of Luke waiting by the door emerged in my mind. I leapt up off the sofa, completely forgetting how much of a mess I looked.

As I reached the door I was greeted by a designer-jean-and-crop-top clad Lauren, who seemed to be clutching yet another designer handbag.

"Oh, hi..." I tried not to let my face fall too much. If I was honest, I had no idea why she was even here. She barely spoke to me nowadays, it was as if Ellie and Ashton and her other new posh mates had completely drawn every memory we had together out of her.

"No need to sound too excited Anna wow," She paused for a second, hitting my arm lightly in mock-offence (however, I sensed a twinge of annoyance) before continuing our conversation, "anyway, I just wanted to know if you wanted to come out again tonight, a big group of us are staying over at Ashton's, you know, drinks bonfire, that sort of thing, and I thought it might do you good to get out."

Do me good? She said it as if she was doing me some kind of favour by inviting me. Sometimes, especially recently, she thought she was so high and mighty- it was like I was her little charity case.

But I let it pass, I inhaled in through my nose and out through my mouth; feeling a wash of calm wave over me. Maybe it would be nice to get out, I spent the majority my time home alone or occasionally bumping into Luke. I smiled at Lauren, not wanting my previous frustration at her to show.

"Yeah, it would be nice, are you driving?"

"I'll probably be staying over but I'll drive there, you're more than welcome to stay if you want, there's a few of us"

The last part of that statement eased me slightly, at least I wouldn't be third-wheeling.

"Yeah I might, I'll see how I feel- could you drive me there though? I don't know the way"

"I'll pick you up at 7, anyway, Ellie's out waiting for me in the car, I'd better go, sorry I couldn't stay long" Don't bother, I thought.

"It's fine, see you later" I smiled weakly and shut the door on her. It hurt to see how different and distant she was. But the fact she'd even considered inviting me flattered me slightly. And anyway, I wanted to meet Ashton properly, I hadn't had a chance yet and I needed to make my own judgements.

 

~

 

It was 10pm, we were sitting in old garden chairs around a small bonfire, drinking and attempting to warm ourselves. There was a large group of us, a mixture of both genders, and most of us, with the exception of a few designated drivers who weren't sleeping over, were becoming increasingly intoxicated.