Notes From Last Night

Chapter Nine - Get Rich or Get Drunk Trying

You're not going to believe this, but I didn't have sex with Melissa that night.

I know. I suck.

Dean and her friend came back and kinda ruined the moment a little but the two of us, like the gentlemen that we are, walked them both to the friend's apartment where Melissa was staying that night. We (I) tried to convince them to let us in for a nightcap but they didn't go for it. There's playing hard to get then there's mission fucking impossible.

I set myself the target of doing the deed before the end of the week or I was bailing on this fledgling relationship. She was just distracting me way too much while I was trying to still be there for Dean. Besides, there was something a little weird about her, right?

Dean was doing much better every single day, and despite the earlier scare, he hadn't contacted Christy again and in fact, he seemed to be texting Melissa's friend. I told him to keep it in a platonic sense though, as I didn't want another Eddie ballsing it up scenario. Thankfully, Amber threw up her memories that night as well as her guts.

On the bright side, Eddie had apparently tracked down Kiwi German Sarah and guess what? He fucked her.

You can imagine his joy at rubbing that in my face.

"So is she a Kiwi or a German?" Dean asked the question that had honestly consumed our lives lately.

We'd snuck out of work a little early so that we could meet Dean for lunch. Thankfully, he hadn't traumatised any waitresses this time. Probably because we'd gotten a takeaway McDonalds and were eating it at the apartment.

"How should I know?" Eddie shrugged before stuffing a mouthful of fries in his mouth.

"Well didn't you ask? Or listen to her accent?" I asked.

"And ruin the mystique? No way!"

"This is why you should be like me," I told Dean. "Not him," Eddie didn't seem offended. In fact, he was more than happy to respond.

"Yeah well at least I'm getting some. Lord only knows what you're up to with this Melissa chick."

"Uh . . . guys?" Dean mumbled, stopping me before I flew to the defence of my non-girlfriend.

We both turned to see what he wanted and found his head buried in a sheet of paper.

"What's that?" Eddie asked, shifting to serious mode. I joined him and approached slowly.

"I just got my credit card bill in." His voice gave nothing away.

"Ouch. What's the damage?" I asked.

"Three thousand fucking dollars!" Dean finally let his deadpanned expression evaporate.

"What the fuck?" I asked, taking it from him to have a look myself. He had read it correctly.

"Did you sign up to scientology or something?" Eddie asked. I literally don't think he was joking here.

"Of course not!" Dean answered anyway. "I don't understand how this could have happened!"

"Well apparently you spent six hundred, two Saturdays ago," I said reading the statement. "Is that when you got laid?"

"It could be," He shrugged.

"That and you also bought a power-washer, apparently," My face scrunched up, unable to fully comprehend what I was reading. We didn't even have a car!

"The Amazon app is a disaster when you're hammered," Was Dean's only defence.

"Can you afford this?" Eddie asked. "I mean, that's a shit-tonne of money".