Unexpected Changes

We all have to go through many changes that will affect our lives. Nothing is ever permanent so all we can do is to adapt from these changes. And just like others, I also undergo the same process. I went through this, I went through that and I went all over! It's funny when I think of my yesterday knowing that time really flies so fast and a lot has happened. I have to look closely and seriously in the mirror and know myself. I know that there is something more in me but I still can't show the best of it. I'm afraid of taking risks, but I realized that I cannot run away from reality. Almost all things are made for real, and it's not just only in dreams. Dreams can be real too if you really want to make it happen, and I want it to be real and I can see that it is really happening now.

Let me start with a short story about myself. It was when I got transferred in St. Jerome Emiliani Institute. To tell you honestly, St. Jerome is not the type of school where I wanted to finish my highschool. I came from a prestigious school named Statefields. I had my life once in that school. I studied there for almost 5 years and I really have a lot of memories in there. I treasured every single day I spent in that school. My teachers, schoolmates and most especially my friends knew almost everything about me. I also found my first love in that school, and just like my friends, he also knew every tiny single detail about me. He also played a big part in my life. They are my greatest treasure and especially him. We even have a tight and strong relationship and friendship, that's why when my Mom told me that I have to transfer to another school because of financial problems, I became very upset. I have to leave everything I have in my school and the hardest part of it was, I have to depart from him and from my friends and from all those I loved in there. It's really hard, I admit. They became a part of my life. They formed me into something beautiful, not just physically, but mentally,socially and emotionally.

"A start of something new and new for a change," that was my first impression when I took my first step in my new school. New atmosphere, new schoolmates, everything new. I felt like I'm an outcast before because I was taken away from him, from my friends and from everything I have in Statefields. But as time goes by, I became used to my new school. I started making friends, and yes, I've got friends! They all made me feel very welcome. We have so much fun time together just like in my former school and they all reminded me of my friends. We laugh, share stories and everything. They're always there for me through rainbows and storms and I am truly grateful that I have them.

There's this also when I fell inlove again here in St. Jerome. Love at 2nd sight. Yes, he's not my first boyriend,per se, but he really changed me into something much better than before. I was so inspired by him. So I studied as hard as I can and to tell you what, I only study once in a bluemoon, you won't even notice that I don't really pay much attention when it comes to studies in my previous school. But when I met him and love him, everything changed. I persevered my studies despite of having him not just my boyfriend but also..... let's say my inspiration in everything. I learned how to face my fears and challenges and it's all because of him. I even told my mom about the truth about us. I explained everything I have to explain and it's one of the things I never did to her. I defended him. Honestly, I never thought that I would do a thing like that, defending a boy that I loved from my mom. My mom understood me and she also apologized for what she had caused to the two of us. I also apologized and promised not to keep secrets from her ever again. But when almost everything is okay... A BIG THING CHANGED.... He let go..... I cried so hard that all my efforts just to have us back once again turned into waste. I even wanted to surprise him that everything is now going to be okay with my mom, but I was the one who got surprised. And the sickest part of it was, he already got himself a new girlfriend, and that means, HIS NEW VICTIM. After all those things we've shared and done, now it turned to nothing. And I do not know if there is still a chance for the two of us. I know myself that I don't give up or quit easily, but to him...... I just don't know...I don't know if I should put an end to my feelings for him. I wanted to get mad at him. I want him to feel the pain I felt when he left me hanging in the air. I was so devastated. I took risks because of him. I did everything for our loved to last even when he's not around. I know that one way or another, I will encounter pain and suffering like this as I reach out to other people. However, it's not the pain that I should focus on but the lessons I learn from rejection and heartbreak. And because of such experiences, my capacity for sorrow and empathy expands and I became a more compassionate and understanding person. And for what has happened to the two of us, I realized that, sometimes your efforts are unapprecciated and to the extent of it, you'll get hurt because you gave all your efforts for the WRONG MAN whom you think is the right one for you..... It hurts like hell. It was like I had faced death, like I knew about grief. But the only thing that helped me was MOVING ON- MOVING FORWARD.

Life has full of surprises, and you wouldn't know what will happen next. I once read on one of Nicholas Sparks' novel, "There are shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in heavens.. A fleeting glimpse of eternity and in a flash.... they are gone.." Someone will really come into your life and will change you in a way you don't expect, but it doesn't mean that he'll forever stay. Sometimes, even when it's hard, you have to leave that person. You do not know why, especially when you know that you love each other but God has a plan and even we don't understand it, all we could do is to follow it and maybe someday He'll let us understand it while we are on our way on moving on. Because if we really are meant for each other, then let it be and there'll be no second doubts.

I believed in the saying, "Expect the Unexpected," and these unexpected changes made me more stronger than before and it made me for what and who I am now. And even when I faced these kind of rejection and heartbreak, I'm still me, it's just that I was transformed by these changes and I don't reject on what has happened to me because of him. I'm still thankful that he played an unforgettable part in my life and I thanked God that he allowed HIM to enter my life to help me see the real me. I knew that as God is with me along the way, I'm sure I have nothing to worry about. I will still keep my strong faith and hopes to Him!