The Peculiar Affairs of Dugolas Rodgrigo & Derek the Fluorescent

Boring Beginnings-

This is in fact an introduction chapter. One of my least favourite things to write about... the beginning. Yes I know, "build the foundation." Create a origin. Blah blah blah who actually fucking cares. I just want to write the fun bits. No wonder it's so difficult becoming an author. I'm bored and I haven't even started. What's even worse is that it's always the same story with fantasy, some destined innocent young *Gender* suddenly has to go out into the big world, oh and there parents are usually dead too. And somehow that's related to the main plot as the character realises they are part of some great prophecy resulting in them becoming the most important person on the planet. Yeah I know I'm just complaining, but it definitely does not have anything to do with procrastinating... much. Fine I'll start, but don't expect anything. Behold the power of half-arsedness.

Once upon a happening simultaneously with the last chapter: there lived Dugolas Rodgrigo. A beast of a man. Towering above common folk like a spruce to a shrub. Life was always like that, he stood out. People didn't like him. To foreign eye he was a monster, an intimating mass of unearthy muscle. For his biceps were cannonballs, his hide a coat of muddy brown, and the oversized shape of a greatsword strapped to his waist like that of toy... in simple words, it scared the shit out of them. So too did the horns protruding from either side of his skull, and the flaring nostrils upon his snout, and his massive hoofed feet. If you don't get it by now, he's a fucking minotaur okay? There's a whole ton of lore about that and all but thats not importaint yet so yeah. Onto the actual story.

The grass was green, the hills were tall, and the sky was up. Thats pretty much as good as Dugolas would explain it, it's not just lazy writing, artistically portraying characteristics through written style more like it... but whatever. The setting was nice. Like one of those lovely drawing a five year old would do with a smiling sun in the corner. Except that five year old was Dugolas, and he was actually twenty six. He wasn't exactly the most cunning of people. Something obvious into physicality. Trotting down the cobblestone path like a gormless cow as his brain struggled in comprehension of the next clop of hoof to stone. Heading towards (conveniently to the plot) the exact location the ninth great relic of the world is being guarded by Derek the Fluorescent. Why is this where Dugolas was walking? I don't know maybe he was bored and got really lost. Either way that's what happened: As Patrick sighed in relief that this was the end of this bit and he could finally write something fun in the next part :)