Dear mom
7-15-15
Today I wrote up at 5:00 A.M. I went outside to find your daughter, and dad sitting on the porch.
They were crying, I didn't know why.
I then heard why.
I found out you hung yourself, not even a yard way from me.
They were on the phone with the cops, and that was the first time I have ever seen dad cry like that.
He loved you. He really did.
Well everyone did.
You were my life. Ya I said some mean things to you.
But I never meant them.
You I told her I hated you.
But I never meant them.
You first son pulled up, and your daughter called him.
He walked on to the porch, his eyes red and puffy, and your daughter simply asked, "have they taken her down yet".
He replied a simple no.
He looked broken, everyone did.
Dad called his daughter, it wasn't yours but you treated all his kids like they were your own.
She was sobbing through the phone.
Dad told her to drive safe.
Then he called your mom.
Then his oldest son, along with his other daughter.
They lived out of town.
Your mom finally can, and told me to go inside , because they were bringing out your body.
I stopped crying because I had no feeling left in me.
I was numb.
I was broken.
Me and your daughter ( we are going to call her R).
Me and R laid on the couch, and she was still crying, but me.
I was laying, and wondering what we did that was so wrong.
I later found out that R was the one to find you.
She was more broken then me.
I heard dad tell someone he was going to propose to you next month.
That broke my heart, after 20 years and he finally was going to do it.
Grandma came, and hugged us and asked if we wanted to go to her house.
We both nodded, and we got up and went to her car.
Right before we were about to leave, my principal came up to me, and asked how I was.
I wasn't okay, but I said I was fine.
He told me he had to tell everyone one the first day of school, 6th grade, that my mom died. He wouldn't tell them how, he just had to tell them.
•••
We got to my grandmas house, and me and R went upstairs, and laid in the chairs.
She laid in grandmas, and laid in grandpas.
I didn't help he died last week.
Me and R laid there, and we went to sleep.
I woke up hours later, to find someone playing with me hair, like you used to.
But it didn't feel the same.
It was one of R's friends, and my cousin(J) was by R.
She looked down at me, and gave me a weak smile, and asked if I was okay.
I wasn't okay, but I nodded my heart to act strong.
Then your cousin came up. She told me that it was going to be okay, and I knew it wasn't.
I started crying as she started talking about you, I was trying to be strong though.
They all left, and me and R were left watching T.V.
Your sister finally got here, she asked if we wanted to go see you, and I wasn't sure I was ready, but I wanted to say my goodbyes.
We pulled up to the morg and my heart started racing.
I didn't cry though.
Your sister, R and my brother (D), and J all sat down and waited for the person to come get us, and tell us to come in the room you were in.
There person finally came and told us "she isn't ready yet, but you can come see her".
We all stood up and walked into the room you were in.
We walk walked in the cold room, and I broke down.
I hated seeing you lifeless body, with the cuts and bandages around you neck.
You were once full of life, and you were beautiful.
Now your lifeless and still beautiful, but you weren't there for me anymore.
your sister grabbed me, and pulled me into a hug.
D was sobbing, and so was everyone else.
We were all broken.
R was playing with your hair, and I stood there.
Looking down at your body, and sobbed.
It was time to go, and I kissed you cold skin, that feeling never leaves.
We got back to the car, and your sister asked me if I wanted anything, and I simply said "her, I want her back".
She said "I know". And we drove back to grandmas.
When we got there, we were greeted by your brother, with red puffy eyes, and his face wet.
He gave me a hug, and I almost cried, but I didn't to act strong.
•••
Later that night, I couldn't sleep.
I laid in my bed, and stared and nothing.
My sister (B) came and asked me if I wanted to come stay with her, at a hotel.
I agreed and we went to the hotel.
I tied to sleep, I really did.
But something inside me couldn't.
I was broken.
I started crying now, and B came and laid by me, hugging me.
I finally drifted off to sleep.
My first day without you was hard, how am I going to live without you.
Word count: 922
