Stargazer

Part X: Dark

It took me only a few moments to pack up the microbes and send them off towards their new home. There was no time to waste.

"Go," I said to the planet that bore them. "Make your way to the land of the first two suns, far away from here. There you and the life you carry will be safe. Heed my words, messenger of the Beginning, for I am your god." I stretched out my arm in the direction of Aurum and Pip, closing my eyes as I sent the planet away to them. I knew the twins would be eager to meet this new addition to their clan, and they would be even more excited to see what it held, but at that moment, I was sure they could only sense my distressed concerns about the planet's journey ahead. The body couldn't be intercepted for the time being, but after Beginning's inevitable demise, virtually anything could happen to it. Maybe I didn't have enough time after all. I wouldn't know for a long while.

I wished I could have saved Big Red, but there wasn't any way he would meet the twins on time. Smaller bodies accelerate faster, I remembered. Sending Big Red to the binary star would have taken far more of my energy and attention--it simply wasn't practical, no matter which way I spun it in my mind. I broke Big Red apart, forming a small-scale molten dwarf planet with his remains. There would be enough hydrogen sulfide and carbon dioxide in the water I put on the new body to sustain the microbes on their journey for a while. The rest of Big Red's frozen sphere tumbled around the new body, though some chunks were wandering off aimlessly into the nearby abyss of space. I doubted I'd ever see those chunks again.

I turned away, my thoughts still half-directed towards Dwarf Red and his journey. I couldn't think about the losses, or they would destroy me--but there was a loss I couldn't get off my mind.

I can see her again, I thought. I can reach her and hug her one last time if I'm fast enough. I can be for her at the end, like I'm supposed to be. I just have to get there. I could get there--

But I can't.

There was no guaranteeing that Dwarf Red would be far enough when Beginning died. In fact, the likelihood of him being any more than a dozen light-years away by that time would be near zero. I could get him as far as I could from the blast when it happened, but given Beginning's size, Dwarf Red would never be far enough to be left unaffected.

My thoughts took a dark turn. Was coming to find Big Red even worth my time? It would all be useless once Beginning passed, taking out literally half the universe with her. She would die violently. The waves of her end would shake the entirety of existence, and no celestial body would be safe. Life on Dwarf Red would die, despite all of my and Beginning's efforts. The microbes couldn't even begin to evolutionarily prepare for what was to come.

Why was the universe so unfair? Why couldn't I do or save anything in a universe that was supposed to be mine to create and govern? I did everything right in the cosmic books, but in the end, I'd still failed Beginning. Her last wishes couldn't be fulfilled by me. Everything would soon be lost, despite everything I'd gone through to create and preserve it. I rubbed my temples, exhausted.

Gods aren't supposed to be useless. There has to be something I can do. Suddenly, I felt a strange vibrating sensation on the sides of my head.

My fingertips were buzzing anxiously. I removed them from my head and held them in front of me, staring desperately into them for some sort of solution. They were glowing--had they always glowed?--as my hands gravitated towards the clumsy chunks of Big Red that had been left over from the dwarf. I saw my fist clench.

Great, I thought. Even my body has turned on me now. I closed my eyes, searching for solace in the darkness that once caused me so much panic. What I wouldn't give to be a spirit again, without a body that felt like this--so scared and alone. I'm sick of the misery, and the grieving. To be in the darkness again would be a sweet end to a bitter story.

There was a dull thudding sound in my closed fist's direction. I forced by eyes open, but I saw nothing. The light from Beginning's faraway dying star had been blocked out.

"No," I said aloud. "I haven't had enough time. It can't be over. Not really." Tears ran over my face. I spun, searching frantically for the light. "It's not over. I'm still here. I need more time. I'm not ready to go back to the dark. I can't be--not after this. Please, universe, give me more time--!"

"You know, I think most people introduce themselves by saying 'hello' first," someone said. I jumped, the surprise making my crying even more intense.

Is this some sort of cruel joke? I asked myself.

"Ah jeez, I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I'm sorry," the voice continued after a long, awkward pause. There was a hand on my shoulder. I sobbed harder, and the hand recoiled. "Dude, are you okay?"

"I--who are you?" I didn't turn to look at the figure. I wouldn't be able to see whoever was speaking, anyway. It'd be a useless motion, just like everything had been recently.

"I don't really know. I haven't been given a name yet, I guess. But I'm here to help."

Everything moved, and suddenly, I could see again.

----

Hey, friend-os! Thanks so much for reading this rather late-night installment of Stargazer! Please consider voting if you feel like it, and don't be afraid to bring your conversations and critiques into the comments!

Urghff I killed off Big Red, guys, sorry. I've been deded.

Le Questione: So, who's the voice? Why is it dark? Whaaaaat's going on? I'm interested to hear your theories and predictions down below!