A is for apply makeup to the bruises that I always swear I’m sorry I inflicted.
B is for bitch, you know I wanted dinner on the table when I came home. Can’t you hear me when I scream into your hair?
C is for can you please give me one more chance? I’d run the circumference of the earth around our living room twenty-seven times if it would make you stay.
D is for don’t say a fucking word, do not test me, do not anger me, do not leave me, please.
E is for every single dream I’ve broken against your torso. Perhaps if I slam them hard enough you’ll take them back, you won’t glue me to their side with the expectation that I’ll change.
F is for the fists that windmill out of my control, sending my exasperation flying in your direction like snow down a mountainside in an avalanche.
G is for Goddammit, you make me feel so small, and maybe if I hit you with more force I’ll grow a few inches taller, a few degrees stronger.
H is for help? Who’s going to help you? I am all you have and you are all I have, we are beings codependent on one another, there are no third parties.
I is for I want to kill every single thing that has ever hurt you, I’ll drive a knife into my own throat if you’d only tell me to.
J is for the number of Jupiters I could fit into all of my empty promises.
K is for Karate Kid, I remember you telling me that’s your favorite movie a couple of years ago, before we spiraled down a drain with no sewer to fall into at the end.
L is for love. I’ve realized that I can only deliver it to you in hushed whispers in the darkness of our bedroom at night. I don’t know how to love you in the morning, the afternoon or the evening, I cannot think through the alcohol during the morning, the afternoon, or the evening, please, do not hold it against me.
M is for macrophobia, I have developed this fear of waiting for tomorrow, I don’t know if tomorrow will be the day I finally end this cycle of ours that has already been written and rewritten and dissected a million different times.
N is for no, I do not want to kiss your scars. I’d be forced to count them, each and every one, and I do not want to remember all of the times I have hurt you.
O is for only I can look at you with eyes that wander, pull up your fucking shirt, you don’t belong to anyone outside of my rough arms.
P is for pushing you down the stairs last night was an accident.
Q is for the questions you always ask me that I never have answers to, like “Why are you doing this?” and “Can we just have one dinner in peace?” Or “What’s your favorite color?”
R is for the ropes that I have bound around your neck, if you would only listen to me, I wouldn’t have to pull on them so hard.
S is for sweet nothings, except we are not sweet and we are not nothings, we are somethings enveloped by broken bones and 911 calls courtesy of our neighbors.
T is for turbulence. This road has never been smooth, we have never been in control.
U is for ultimately, it’s always your fault.
V is for veto the aforementioned statement, it’s always my fault.
W is for who do we actually blame? You were not born submissive and quiet and I was not born roaring and spewing indifference. We were not born the mistakes we have become.
X is for x-rays, tell the doctors you fell for the twenty-seventh time.
Y is for yesterday. I cannot say I miss it, for I cannot recall a yesterday that was any brighter than today.
Z is for zenith, the point in the sky or celestial sphere directly above an observer. I believe that is where tomorrow is, tattooed somewhere deep within a sky that is only waiting for me to choke you too hard, throw you down the stairs one too many times. When you get there, please wait for me. Please, do not leave me.
