Just Breathe 🌸

I Was Born To Die

16 Years Ago...
In 2002, on 18th of February,very small and weak baby was born in very big city. That was me. Parents decided that they wanted to name me Adam so they would show their respect to my great-grandfather,who was also named Adam. Ugh,so pathetic...
If u looked at me once,you would say that i was an ordinary child but that was not true,at all. Okay,maybe I was, but acting like a normal baby was temporery.
3 years ago..
Everything has changed,as soon as, i turned 13. It wasn't only about Teenage problems. I really discovered that there were so many changes in my body,in my feelings,in my emotions... so,how did i discover it?
After my birthday, in few weeks, March holiday has started when i went to village to see my grandma. It was usual day for me, I was just going to village. Even if i was bored i knew that grandma had lots of animals and birds so u already know what i feel about animals.
My village is very nice place. I have to say that it is very quiet and its resident are only 1000 people. That's why it is my favourite place to relax. Everything happened so quickly. On my 4th day of holiday, grandma asked me if i could feed chickens because she had to do other things. Of course, I accepted. Feeding animals is one of my favourite thing to do. So, I grabbed some food to feed them. I wish i had been more careful that time...
I don't know why,but one chicken refused to eat and that should have been an ordinary thing,but unfortunately it was not. For me.
I have no fucking idea what happened. That moment, I felt something that I have not ever felt. I... I.. vented. I was so outraged. My anger.. it was growing rapidly. I really,really wanted to kill someone. I grabbed that chicken,who refused to eat and only thing i remember is it's doomed voice, than i lost my conscionous...
I woke up in my room. It was almost night. My grandma was sitting next to me. I was confused so I asked her what happened. She was so so upset, I saw that.

'Adam,my dear, are u okay? I'm so worried about u..'
'Grandma,what happened? why am i here? I remember..remeber.. that i was..'
'Oh,Adam. Are you really okay?' - she sighed
'Grandma?'
'Sweetheart, U killed a chicken..'
'Whaaaaaat?!!!!!!!!'
'Omg, I don't even know. It was suffocated and guess you suffocated it.., what on earth u decided to kill it? I know that you love them very much..'
' Yes,of course I do! But.. I really can't explain myself right now,because I either don't know what happened or why it happened..'
'I'm really sorry. Are u sure that there is nothing wrong with u? U know, i am your grandma and I'm worried..'
'Grandma,Im okay! I just need some rest'
So,grandma left my room silently and I realised that in real,there was something wrong with me...