Just Breathe 🌸

Future Is Black

I can surely say after that day my grandma was not looking at me the way she was looking at me before. I felt nervous. I was teenager and there is no doubt that there are plenty of teen problems that may occured to me. That time I did not know that it was only beginning.
My March holiday ended and for my surprise my grandma came with me to the city. She told me that she missed my mom and wanted to see Olly,but I did not believe in her. Guess,she wanted to tell everything about me to my mom,and she did. She told her everything and moreover,she adviced her to take me to the phsycologist. It was not easy for me at all. My grandma was so annoying I could not handle it. I was so happy when she left after 3 days. Me and my mom had a little conversation,where she asked me some questions about how i felt or was there anything i wanted to tell her but i made her sure that i was fine and i did not need any doctors. She believed in me and this little,annoying,uninteresting story has somehow passed.

2 Years Ago...
Only me,olly and my mom who was working a lot to care about me. She was the only person i trusted the most and the only person who cared about me.When I turned 14,it was not something special for me. School was boring as it was always,no friends,no entertainment,no communication..  I did not know what could have made my life worse but guess what? something made it...
Just one morning of Summer, on 2nd June, I did not stand up. Yeah, just did not stand up. In real, I could not or I did not want to. I was speechless, I did not say anything. It seemed like an usual day but it was not. I was frozen and i was lying in the bed. Mom. She was so worried.
'Adam, stand up!'
'Adam,say something!'
'Adam,pls,Adam..!'
'Adam,whats wrong with u?!!'
She was shaking me but no. I want unable to say something. I could not. I did not want to. I just wanted to lay in my bed for days,for months,for years... I did not need my mom. I was desperate but i could not express my feelings. I just silently,not even listening to mom,was thinking about my misarable self and could not move even a little bit. These took one day,two days,three days. Yes, for three days I was lying in the bed and did not even think about standing up. My mom did not know what to do. She was outraged and she could not help me. To be honest, i did not care. She called some doctors but they did not help me at all. Nothing made me able to stand uop and went back to my normal,boring life. After 5 days. Something has changed. In the morning,for my surprise I stood up. For god's sake! After 1 week spending my time lying in the bed with saying nothing,then I just stood up and was so happy. I was so happy,I woke up at 5am and started making a breakfeast. I did not know why, but i just wanted my mom to be happy and make a food for her. When my mom heard that something was frying,she immediately stood up and went to the kitchen where I was making a meal for her...
'OH MY GOD,ADAM! I CANT BELIEVE YOU! U JUST.. U JUST WOKE UP AND U... U ARE HAPPY?? BUT WHY THE HELL ARE U MAKING THE BREAKFEAST AT 5.30 AM?' - She was really,really confused and nervous at the same time.
' I just thought you would be happy if I make a breakfeast for you❤️❤️'
'Okay,Adam. Now its time to sleep again and please put down that sharp knife and follow me.. everything is okay'
Actually I was confused that time but now i realise what my mom meant when she hoped that 'everything was okay'
I followed her to my bedroom and lied in bed again.
'Adam,I love u to the moon and back. Dont worry. I will always help you and do everything for you.  - She was panicly repeating it again and again.
I could not guess what she meant,why did i need help,but after I discovered why she wanted to help me,I knew that she was wrong.
Everything got black...