May You Imagine || Brian May

Let us cling together

April 1975

London

Dear Brian,

As I am writing this, you are high in the clouds, on your plane to Japan. You and your bandmates left from Heathrow this morning and you are on your way to tour Sheer Heart Attack. It is such a magnificent album, truly your best one so far. You and the boys have worked so hard on it, it is unbelievable to finally get some of the recognition you so richly deserve. I was there all those long afternoons when you would painstakingly write and rewrite songs, scribbling lyrics on whatever loose piece of paper you could find, sometimes in the margins of your astrophysics papers, sometimes on the back of one of your pupils' homework. I was there when you would hum tunes to yourself while getting dressed in the morning and when you were strumming your guitar until late at night.

 You would sit on our worn-out couch every day after school. Our cat, Squeaky would curl up by your side and you wouldn't move for hours, just playing and playing until your fingers were red and raw and you couldn't play anymore. I would come by your side, with some tea to keep you awake and gently run my fingers through your hair. You would look up from the strings with a small smile of gratitude. Your tired, sunken eyes would gaze at me with so much tenderness. I would feel my heart swell with ever growing love and affection. You would set the guitar gently by your knee, and wrap your arms around my waist, burying your face into my dress. I could hear your take a deep breath, inhaling my scent. Your hands would tighten around me and you would ask in a voice, barely louder than a whisper:

"Chrissy...Will this ever get us anywhere? Or is it just a waste of time?"

So many times, you looked on the verge of giving up and even though I didn't have the answers to your questions, I knew I had to give you strength. There was simply no other way.

"Of course, it will work out, Bri. You just have to wait. Before you know it, you will be all over the radio and we will make a better life for ourselves. You can't lose faith."

I don't know if you believed me, but you would nod slowly and tug at my hands gently to pull me closer for a kiss. Your soft lips would meet mine and we would kiss, melting into each other, forgetting about the world around us. 

My mind spins faster than the plane that took you away now. I keep thinking about these kisses at a late hour, just you and me. It never took much for our feelings to bubble to the surface and a simple kiss would turn into a long passionate one. Your slender fingers drawing circles on my skin, your hot breath on my face and neck, sending waves of desire all over my body. I adore you, Brian. My heart is full of you. Being a part of your world, being your wife and soulmate, it seems to me that's what I've always been meant to be. Sometimes my love for you weighs heavy in my chest and my eyes fill with tears. This feeling is just so much stronger than me, it overpowers my entire existence.

I miss you, Brian. I miss you every day when you go off to school and when Roger picks you up to take you to the studio. I missed you when you went on your little gigs in Cornwall and Cardiff for a day or two. I couldn't even have fathomed how much I'd miss you when you are so many thousands of miles from me. I try to remind myself it's only for a little while. I do my best to get on with my day and focus on the future, because you are the future. And the future looks good.

But it's hard to keep you out of your mind, and as long as you are on my mind, I feel an almost physical ache being apart from you. I think constantly about what you do, what kind of conversations you are having with the boys, how you are killing the long wait until you land in Tokyo. You are probably beating everyone at Scrabble right now, earning some nasty side eye from John and some sassy comebacks from Freddie. Roger has probably already given up and has kindly told you to get lost before retreating for a "well-deserved" nap. I am a pretty good match to you at Scrabble although I do wonder if you just let me win for the sake of our marital bliss. Happy wife, happy life, you always say. You make me laugh. You would never admit letting me win at any games, so I've stopped trying to get a confession out of you. Your love for me shows in the most unexpected little ways and I hope you never change.

You are probably landing in Japan about now. I can't wait for you to call me and tell me about your trip. I have told you to call me any time, day or night. It doesn't matter to me. I just want to know that you have made it safe. I lay in my bed, close my eyes and can't help but run my fingers over the empty spot next to me. I don't know how I am going to take these next few weeks. All I want is you by my side. Ever since I met you, I've known I simply can't care for another. Even though you are gone, your scent lingers on your pillow. The penguin sweater you like so much is laying on the dresser by our bed. I grab it and wrap it around me.

Our wedding portrait on my nightstand is facing me. I gaze at the photo, feeling a mixture of tenderness and melancholy. You look so handsome in your black suit and crisp white shirt. Your wild curls cascade down your shoulders and you have the loveliest big smile on your face. Your hazel eyes twinkle with that boyish playfulness I can't get enough of. And there I am by your side, my arms lovingly encircling your slender waist. My white dress is a little big, because I had lost so much weight around the time of the wedding. All the excitement and nerves were almost too much for me to bear. My veil is resting in my hair as you had just lifted it, so we can have our first kiss as husband and wife. 

What a kiss it had been! You had picked me up and twirled me around before your lips collided with mine and we kissed over and over with our families cheering from all sides. I remember that day so clearly. People say, your wedding is the happiest day in your life. Truthfully, every day since my wedding has been the happiest in my life. Because you are my world, Brian. You are my best friend.

And yet somehow you always find new ways to amaze me with your kindness and generosity. You smile at me even if you are having the worst day. You bring me flowers when there is no special occasion. You cuddle with me on the couch when I am in a bad mood, your face in my hair. You grab my hands and kiss them. And if that doesn't make me smile, you just tickle me until I am laughing and squirming, trying to get away.  

Sometimes, at bed time I try to snuggle up next to you at night, but if you have other plans, your fingers can always allure me out my slumber and into your arms. Your effect on me is like magic. And I hold on you for dear life because no one before you has made me whole the way you do. And so, I write to you, because I wish you were with me, so I can tell you in person just how happy you have made me. Happier than I ever thought possible. I love you with every ounce of my being. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you, because only with you do I feel truly alive.

So let us cling together as the years go by.