Broken Existence {ManXMan}

Chapter one

The dripping of cold water on stone used to lull me to sleep. It used to tell me that i could get free. Like water that find a way through any obstacle to sink through any crack. But unlike me, It has freedom to go where it pleases. It has its own mind, a purpose. I have none of that. I have never tasted freedom and i never want to taste love again. Though, i feel like one day i will just fall into it again and be hurt like all other times. I was sold, i was used. I am a tool. I make good money for my master, Even though it is all against my will. I have done things ungodly, disgusting and looked down on. I am undeserving of love.

Who am i? To some i am a prostitute, to some i am a slave, to some i am a beautiful singer and dancer, and to some a am a gorgeous female. But, to me i am no one. My name means nothing to me. It is called out many times in a day and i hate every way it comes out of someones mouth. It is disgusting to me, repulsive. The name i oh so despits is Aravada'Kela, or Kela for short as they prefer to call me when they scold or beat me. They call Avada'Kela when i and brought onto stage, chained by my ankle and throat. Men loved me but they wouldn't if they really knew what i was they would be disgusted. Some men knew partially but no one knew what I really was.

I wasn't meant to be in this realm surrounded by mortals, i was supposed to be somewhere in hell possibly with a loving mother and father. But no, i'm here in a brothel where i will probably live the rest of my life as a slave for the women who bought me off my family.

I was sold right after birth, torn from my mother so my father could afford the booze that kept him living. I meant nothing to him and i'm sure my mother learned to forget me as well. We are demons we live an eternity so they had plenty of time to restart their family, maybe this time with a beautiful baby girl instead.

Yes i was male, in an all women brothel. As odd as it may sound it wasn't rare in this time period. 1672 was the date and the merchants were coming out with more and more ways to look like a women. Corsets were first introduced in 1677 in france where i lived in the human realm. They squeeze your abdomen until you have those beautiful hourglass curves all men crave of a human. I was forced to wear a corset everyday, my mistress making it tighter and tighter everyday until my ribs could no longer take the pressure of the stiff fabric squeezing them. After successfully breaking my bottom two ribs, my mistress continues to use that corset, just a little looser.

I remember sitting in bed, in pure agony as the women kept that corset on me as i healed so i would heal in that perfect shape. She would oil my skin to prevent wrinkles and keep my nails long and painted red like my hair. My hair was never cut, it stayed its long length, almost going past my butt. It was a straight thin texture that never really got tangles and fanned out whenever i was layng down. The clients liked that.

I was only used with special clients who knew i was male. They never questioned my pale, almost gray skin, in that time period looking sickly was beautiful. I was used twice a day at least and sang in the evening when the sun would set. When i wasn't performing or being used i was in my room in the basement where i laid. I did not speak and i did not eat.

I couldn't die, my parents were made by Lucifer himself. So i was important, but i guess not important enough to be abused and raped everyday. It was fine. I had come to the conclusion that this was going to be my life and that if I surrounded myself with the thought that this was all some sick dream and I would wake up one day.

But The dripping of cold water is what brought me back to reality. I would watch every night as light reflected from the small window into the small, dusty basement onto the leak in the ceiling, water dripping from a smushy board. I laid there, hair draping over my thin, broken body. I no longer felt the pain after visiting a client, I no longer screamed when they would violently take me from behind and make me bleed down my leg.