Such Small Hands || ImmortalFox TwoShot

Chapter Two.

"I thought I heard the door open, oh no."

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Aleksandr knew that he shouldn't have been there right now. 

Not today, in particular, although he couldn't stop himself from going there when he felt lonely. His days of sleeping around within different beds of Colorado had come to a close and he snapped out of said phase after losing it all.

Every day since the accident that left him without a lover, he's come down the the cemetery and spent all of his time within its gates.

And it's the same as it was three and a half months ago. 

He couldn't remember everything that happened that day as clearly as he may have liked, as he walks around and winds through tombstones and unmarked graves. Along the path with his hands shoved into his pockets until he finds the gravestone that marks the final resting place of half of his fucking heart.

It was a cliche thing to think, he later decides.

If Eddie were with him right now, his infamous laughter would fade into his ears along with his grin and he would be teasing him over just how gay he was acting for thinking such a thought. The final resting place of half of his fucking heart. Aleks smiled at the thought.

Then again, as his mind dances circles around the memory of his lover, he remembers that if he were here right now, there would be no reason to have that thought in the first place. 

So that quickly sobers the humor and stifles his smile.

Aleks had brought a bouquet of flowers with him, though he didn't really know why. They would have no real use just lying here on a cold tombstone. Whatever, though, right? They were bright, vibrant, and reminded Aleks so much of him that he couldn't stop himself from buying them and bringing them along with him.

They reminded him of the smile he woke up to every morning. Sure, it faded over time, although it always made him glow even in the darkest depths of his mind. The signs were obvious, but he never really brought himself to notice them or prevent Eddie from doing something horrid.

With a gentle and breathy sigh, he leans forward and placed them on the rather bare grave to mark where his love now sleeps. 

They reminded him of how Eddie used to make him happy. His depression never broke through its cracks when they were together, and it only intensified when he was gone. He could never explain why he was sleeping around, or why Eddie suddenly didn't appease him. But Aleks still loved the man, nonetheless. Maybe he did it because he wanted more, as a selfish stunt of his own.

But the flowers reminded him of how he finally found someone that made the flowers grow in even the saddest parts of him. They also reminded him of how easily he let that person slip away through their own cracks and troubles.

Afterwards, he descends towards the ground and sits in a criss-cross form with his palms on his knees within the damp and dead grass. It was something odd that he never really thought about, how he was sitting on the ground just above the body of his former love.

"Hey, there, you," it comes out a soft whisper, hardly even audible. That was fine, as far as he was concerned, seeing as there was no one around to hear him anyhow. His hands were shaking and he breathed in as he continued, "it's been real shitty, Hell up here, you know? Ever since you left us all behind for the good life."

He had to stop himself and attempt to control his breathing, which was rapidly increasing now.

He was clenching and unclenching his fists over and over by now, and his hands felt clammy and numb. The circumstances of the situation settled into the deepest pit of his stomach and drilled a blackhole into the back of his mind.