The Sound of Courage

Part One

James sat nervously in the small isolated waiting room. He looked around at the paintings on the wall feeling like he was being watched. James could only think how he never did anything similar to therapy. He never talks about his feelings, even to his love ones. But ever since he's been falling into a depression, having flashbacks, and woke up screaming one night in his slept his wife Irene knew that he needed help. He remember he insisted to Irene he was fine but he knew himself that would a lie. The door that connected to another room open, startling James and his thoughts. A woman wearing a light blue dress and glasses with short brown hair walked out and called his name. James got up from his seat.

"Hello Mr. Forrester please come in and sit down." The woman closed the door behind him.

"My name is Jennifer Day but you can just call me Dr. Day".

James smiled and nodded as he sat down in the lounge chair across from her. He felt like he suddenly regretted choosing to do this. What was the point? What if it doesn't even help and this was all just a waste of money and his time.

"So tell me a little about yourself" Jennifer asked breaking the awkward silence.

"Oh there's not much about me, what do you want to know?"

"Well let's start where you were born."

"I'm from Cambridge, Massachusetts"

"How long did you live there until you moved here to Washington D.C."

"Until I was basically an adult, I don't know maybe when I was twenty-five years old."

Jennifer took out a notepad from her desk and started to write down the information about James. For reason this made him feel uncomfortable. Before another awkward silence could start again Jennifer ask him another question.

"Do you have any siblings?"

James felt anxiety rush through his body. Thinking of his siblings could lead to him thinking about what the thing that keeps him up at night. James nodded "I have three siblings in total, two died though".

"Well I'm very sorry for your lost" Jennifer responded. She notice a change in his behavior as he became more distant and reserved. She ponder whether she should ask him why the question cause so much distress to him but she continue with her questions anyways.

"Are you married?"

"Yes, my wife is the one who suggested that I see a professional"

"And what reason would she suggest that?"

James could feel the nervousness growing throughout his body. As his mind began to wander off he thought whether he should tell Jennifer why he was there in that room trying to seek help. He only knew the woman for five minutes, why should he open up to her while others been doing the same for years and never get much of a response out of him. Real men never discuss their emotions to others. If you go through a traumatic experience, you get up, shake it off and continue on with your life. No time to talk it out, you deal with it how you deal with the life you were given. Well, at least that's what men of James's generation believed. As his mind continued he found himself thinking of his past. The past he does not like to discuss or better yet think about. Memories he thought were too painful, too miserable for any human being to have. It was as if his own mind betrayed him. His mind....a place that was once filled with bright, creative, and inspiring ideas is now a battlefield where every thought is a bullet being fired at him and all James wants to do is step on a landmine to end his suffering. By now James was quiet for some time and fidgeting in his chair. He knew the way he was acting was strange and outrageous but he couldn't help it, as if someone else was controlling him. His thoughts went on as they became harder to control as well. He felt his heart beating like a drum, feeling every pulse. His breathing started to get more rapid. His chest was suddenly filled with unbearable pain like someone stabbed him in the heart with a blade. Jennifer observing the whole time knew James was suffering a panic attack. In order to help him calm down, she planned on instructing James through breathing exercises to distract him whatever his mind was going through.

"James I need for you to look at me" she instructed.

With James panicking he knelt down putting his head on top of his knees grabbing his hair tightly while wheezing every breath he took.

"I know this can be very difficult but I need you to listen and focus" Jennifer instructed again.

James look up at her trying to dismiss the compulsive thoughts racing through his mind.

"I just need you to listen and breath with me, okay?"

James nodded. When Jennifer inhale, James would do the same. They'll hold their breath for a few seconds then exhale. Jennifer continue the process until James started to appear calm and relax. James was confused and bewildered by his sudden reaction.

"Sorry" James apologized.

"It's fine, no need to apologize. Has this happen to you before?"

James didn't want to lie but also didn't want to open up either. But the only reason he was doing this in the first place was to help him open up instead of repressing everything.

"Maybe" responded James.

"How often does it occur?"

"An amount I'm not proud of. My wife thinks it's something like anxiety..." James stop in mid sentence for a second and didn't know what to say. "Maybe it's something like heart problems... like a heart attack, you know?"

"Mr. Forrester with all due respect, it's not a heart attack. You would be on the floor dying."

The both of them quietly laugh. James looked at the floor not knowing what to do or say as the room grew silent.

"You experienced a panic attack, it's nothing to be ashamed of. If you don't mind me asking but what do you think triggers it?"

"Thinking about it" James responded in melancholy.

"Thinking about what?" Jennifer ask.

James suddenly not so shy looked directly into her eyes, "the war".