Decided By Fate (Preview)

Act 1, Chapter 4

Sitting there at the table, everything was quiet now. I had nothing else to say to my guardians as the thoughts of them last night continued to berate me. The metallic scraping of the fork on the plate spoke to me. I couldn't take criticism as it ultimately triggered me due to past experiences. In my mind, criticism was on an equal level as an insult to my character. It drove me insane. Unfortunately, the conversation wasn't over as Hank looked toward me.

"So, are you ready for school, Fate?" He asked.

"School?" I breathed the dreaded word.

"Yea, school. Y'know, the place where you supposedly go to learn." Hank said sarcasm spread heavily in his words.

"Oh. Right." I replied, hating the thought of the place.

The thought of school brought me down yet another level. It was always a war zone for me. I was usually the joke or targeted by the bullies because of my behaviour and outcast inspired style. I gulped my sadness away as I took another bite of the homemade breakfast still sitting in front of me.

"So when does that start?" I asked, already dreading the answer.

"Tomorrow," Hank answered.

"Tomorrow?!" I asked rhetorically.

There were many words I didn't like, but tomorrow was my least favourite on this day. My hermit-like personality kicked in immediately as I needed to make an effort to be productive for the remainder of the day. I hoped for a positive outcome or to go hide in my room and savour every second of doing nothing I had left. Option two was the favourite as I finished with the plate of food and put it away in the dishwasher. I could feel my guardians watching as I walked back down the empty hallway to my room. I had only been out no more than half an hour, yet I was already returning to my isolation.

The silence was my only friend. As it embraced me, I walked over to the window in the room and closed it by pulling down the blind. I forced the room into darkness as I sat on the edge of the bed. I buried my head in my hands once more while tears started to well up from the depths of my soul. I couldn't go back to school, not now. I didn't know anyone, and they didn't know me.

Worst of all, it would likely be a school in the rundown part of the city. Where all the kids were ruthless. All these thoughts passed rapidly through my head, overwhelming me with anxiety. My body was visibly shaking from the stress I was putting on myself. My hand clutched my arm, where I had torn the skin earlier. The pain teased me with relief, only to have the darkness come right back when I let go. Racing for my phone, my hand snagged it, and in seconds, I had it open to my blog posts that I had written. The images of self-harming individuals filled my eyes as I opened a text box and typed the words; Why am I such a fuck up? It wasn't a question that I wanted answered. Even though no one would care to respond.

I wasn't the only one making those types of posts, and my following was minuscule compared to others on the website. I started sharing and liking posts about being alone and damaged mental states. While occasionally putting in a positive post to counterbalance the others. My day was spent like this, alone in my room. Zero interaction with the waking world. My online self took priority, reaching out to anyone or anything that could help make me feel better. Nothing ever came. I was too scared to reach out to any other users, hoping that seeing a like notification would be enough to get them to talk to me.

Yet here I was, completely silent, waiting for nothing to come through. The wait was killing me as my arms started to itch for the feeling that mere scratching couldn't subside. They were craving what was in my bag. A cardinal sin awaited me there, and it was becoming a tempting offer to add some new scars to the collection that I had applied to my body personally. Looking over at the open bag, I leaned over the edge of the bed, my head no longer in the right mental state. I pulled out a smaller bag from within the bigger one that contained a razor blade. My eyes were transfixed on it as it came into view.