i could be

Pain at Night Accompanied by a Car Ride

 Her parents wanted to check out a restaurant in a town over. She did not want to join them, but they had been through about a month of school and they wanted to commemorate her 'progress.' They said she had been making friends, and how her increasing amount of speech to the family was a good sign of 'a healing mental health.'

The conversation wanted her to crawl back into her room and curl around the AC vent, or the crack in the wall that let in just enough cold air for her to feel okay about life.

To be completely clear, it is not the talking to her parents that bothered her. She had no problem with discussing how she was doing. She had many problems with when parents started to treat their children like patients. As if they were her therapist when she knew they would break that confidentiality vow that they never actually signed.

But there she sat, in a much too ornate restaurant for the somber mood that had been set. The orange and yellow hues brought back thoughts of summer in California. She hated it. The food was spicy, the room was warm, the close quarters allowed for such little breathing room that shared body heat was inevitable. She hated it, everything. She got through two bites of food before she wanted to puke. The cold water wasn't helping. She was gulping down glass after glass and it seemed to burn more than soothe. She had to go to the bathroom an embarrassing amount of times, but that didn't matter. Nothing was helping, absolutely nothing. Her parents words of 'progress' and 'success' and 'weakness' and 'strength' it was all so suffocating. Her head felt hot. Her fingers felt hot. Every part of her body she could usually use to chase the cold was numb with that disgusting warmth.

She hated it.

The car ride home was easier. The cool glass of the window allowed her to breathe. Anthony had noticed her discomfort throughout the dinner and made sure that she was allowed to sit in the back alone.

Her jacket had been shed on the floor along with her shoes and socks. She felt the chill start to fill her again, but the remnants of the conversation and the restaurant wouldn't leave her for hours.

The cool of the roof would be her only solace, and the chill of North's eyes staring into her's would provide a chill she had recently started to seek.