bad girl,,,,,, kim mingyu

0.2

"Hey, momma," I greet as I throw my old backpack onto the ground and shed my jacket.

My frail mother rests in the rocking chair, some Korean drama on the television, a blanket draped on her legs.

"Hi, sweetheart." She smiles weakly.

"How are you feeling?" I ask, kneeling next to her.

She looks at me and I see her lie as it comes out of her mouth, "Better today."

I nod along, although I know how close my mother is to being gone. Her hospice nurse, who comes every week, was here yesterday and told me privately that she will most likely be gone by the end of this week.

"I'll make some tea and rice okay?" I stand and kiss her forehead gently.

In the kitchen, I call my best friend.

"Jooheon," I whisper, on the brink of tears as I turn on the rice cooker.

"Yeah? What's up?"

"I think tonight's the night." I say quietly, my voice cracking.

"Do you want me to come over?" He asks, his voice turning soft.

"Please?"

"Of course, I;ll bring you chocolate." 

I hang up and let the tears fall as I make the tea.

Jooheon is the only one who has ever seen this side of me. The other boys know about my mother but they haven't said anything about it.

Wiping my face, I carry it all into the living room. "Jooheon will be here soon." I announce, setting the rice and tea on the table next to her.

"Oh yes, I've missed him." She coughs heavily and I gently rub her back and hand her the tea.

The door opens and my brother, Jungwoo, steps in, stripping his backpack and his jacket.

I pull him to the side, into the hallway and kneel in front of him.

"Hey, bud." I say and rub his arms. "I think tonight will be the last okay? You won't have to go to school tomorrow if it's the case but for the rest of tonight, I'm gonna have Shownu-oppa take you for ramen and ice cream and to play video games, okay?"

"Okay, noona." He smiles at me.

My little brother is very strong about this whole situation but he has cried a lot as well. I send him with Shownu a lot, especially on her bad days.

I let him go back to the living room and call Shownu.

"Yeah?" He answers quickly.

"Oppa, would you mind taking Jungwoo for ramen and ice cream tonight? And then to play video games?" 

"Of course not. Is tonight it, do you think?" His voice quiets down at the last part.

"I think so, Jooheon is on his way over. I just don't want him to have to see her go."

"I'll be over in 5 to get him." He hangs up.

When I walk back into the living room, my mom is sipping her tea slowly and Jungwoo is seated Indian style watching television.

"Hyung will be here in 5 to get you okay? Go get changed." I say.

He runs off as the front door opens again to revealed Jooheon, black clad with heavy Timberland boots on, holding a convenience store bag.

He hugs me and kisses my forehead and greets my mother. "Hey, eomma, how are you feeling?" He bends and kisses both of her cheeks fondly.

"Oh, I'm quite alright," She manages a smile. "How's my eldest son doing?" 

"I'm great!" Jooheon continues to ramble to my mom as Jungwoo bounds down the steps.

"Hyung!" He launches himself to Jooheon, who, without stopping his story, catches him and holds him on his hip.

I have always admired Jooheon in this way. When we were little, before Jungwoo was born and before my mom got sick, he was always the older brother. My parents loved him. He only called them Mr. and Mrs. once and then it was always Mom and Dad.

During the rough times with my parents, he would come at early hours of the morning to comfort me as I cried, my parents fighting downstairs. Before my dad got violent.

I remember vividly one night, Jooheon was over and my parents were fighting.

We lay on my bed watching Netflix on my laptop and we heard it.

"I AM BEYOND DONE WITH YOU, SLUT." And the resonating sound a harsh slap.

Anger flares in Jooheons eyes and before I processed what was happening, he stood up and stormed out.

I scurried behind him as he stomped down the dark stairs into the bright living room.

"Don't you hit her. Not ever." He said as I rushed to my mom who was on the floor, her cheek red.

"What are you doing here?" My dad growled.

That's when Jooheon punched him.

After that night, Jooheon came over every night but somehow, we never heard the abuse, we simply learned about it years later. I guess my father made sure we didn't hear anything those nights.

Ever since, my mom was more than close to him and loved him more, because he protected her.

The door opens again and Jungwoo jumps off Jooheon and runs to Shownu.

Shownu laughs deeply and picks him up, tickling his squirming body.

Jungwoo loves all of my friends as brothers, but always seemed to love Jooheon more, probably because he has known him the longest. Jooheon saw him the day he was born.

My friends were always super great with him when he was really young as well, they would all be great fathers

After they leave, the house goes quiet, the sun sets and all that's left is Jooheon, my mother, and I, watching some show.

My mom starts to cough.

Hard.

I rush to her as blood runs down her chin.

Before I know it, Jooheon gently sweeps her up and heads upstairs.

He laid her on the bed in her room and covers her up.

Then, he cries. He holds her hand and talks. "Mom, I want you to know that you are free to go. I don't want to see you in pain anymore, okay? You have no more reason to hold on. I'm here and so are the other boys and I promise you that, no matter what, I will protect Rayeong and Jungwoo. I'll never let anything happen to them, okay? Do you here me? You can let go."

I see tears on my moms tired face and her breathing is shallow and shaky.

"Mom," I choke. "Go. You're gonna be happier there. I promise." I stand behind Jooheon and make eye contact with her.

"I love you both so much, and your brother." She chokes out.

"Don't speak," Jooheon shushes her.

For the next 4 hours we stay there and watch her go. Finally, she takes her last breath.

I break down and fall to the ground.

She's gone.

edited