Love Marks and Hate Marks (Troyler)

It's Not Over Yet

Troye's POV

I woke up snuggled deep into the comforter on the couch, pressed tightly to Tyler's chest, just like yesterday.

Only this time, I woke up first. I could hear Tyler's slow breathing under my head. I sat there quietly for a moment as I woke up fully, listening to Tyler's steady heartbeat. I craned my head up to watch Tyler's sleeping face, chuckling quietly to myself when I saw that he'd forgotten to take off his glasses, which now sat crooked on his nose. It was precious; his mouth hung slightly open and his face looked so peaceful that I felt bad for what I was about to do; for what I had been waiting to do for over twenty-four hours now. I think that's a record.

I slowly eased out of Tyler's grip, watching his face the whole time to ensure that he didn't wake up. Once I was free, he made an unhappy noise in his slumber and rolled over, frowning slightly. I reached over and tenderly pulled his glasses off his face.

"Ngh..."

I froze. Tyler's eyes fluttered, and for a fleeting, panicking moment I thought he'd woken up. But apparently he hadn't; he just shuffled a bit and stilled again. I let out a silent breath of relief, folding his glasses and setting them on the coffee table.

I tip-toed over to his bathroom and locked the door behind me. I hesitantly looked up to the mirror. As I expected, a worthless, ugly, broken kid looked back. I averted my gaze quickly. Under Tyler's bathroom sink was my travel bag, which contained my toiletries.

I retrieved a shaving razor, and with much too much experience and skill than I knew was healthy, popped one of the blades free. My sides had been itching non-stop.

Before I did anything, I had to make absolutely sure I was ready. Tyler couldn't know I was still doing this. He didn't deserve it.

I balled up a large wad of toilet paper and sat on the bathroom counter, leaning over the sink.

I set the blade down so I could tug off my thin t-shirt and toss it to the floor. I had to do this quick.

Before I could get second thoughts, I picked up the blade and snatched it quickly over the skin over my ribs. It was a few seconds before crimson beads gathered along the pink line, running down my side and dripping into the sink. I shuddered and closed my eyes at the familiar and mourned sensation. I felt the sting of pain that I loved more than I should, and I wanted more. Again, the blade was a flash of silver across my flesh. Normally I didn't inflict more than two or three a day, but I felt so deprived that I figured a few more wouldn't be too bad. But before I knew it, tyere were at least ten shallow gashes in my side. The sink looked as if I'd spilled red Kool-Aid in it. I drug the blade one more time, slowly and deliberately, through my skin. Before I finished, however, a loud and concerned,"Troye?" made a jolt of surprise and fear shoot through me, and my whole body jerked. The razor sunk deep into my side, and I quickly snatched it out, muttering a stream of curse words under my breath.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Tyler!" I called distractedly, shoving the blade in the pocket of my travel bag and wiping my side with the toilet paper wad. When the blood didn't stop, I scrambled through Tyler's cabinet for something-anything-to make a quick patch.

"Troye, are you okay?" Tyler asked from right outside the door, and I knew what he was thinking.

"Yeah, I'll be out in just a second," I responded as I found something that looked to me as if a heavenly beam of light shone down upon it.

In a rush, I ripped open the super-sized Band-Aidd and, not caring about my other cuts, slapped it over the deep one. I quickly threw my discarded tee back on and swung the bathroom door open. Tyler let out a noticable sigh of relief, but still looked at me strangely.

"What were you doing in there?"

Panting slightly, I let out a small, fake laugh."I woke up half an hour ago feeling sick. I thought I was gonna throw up! But I feel better now."

Obviously buying the lie, Tyler gave a sympathetic smile."Are you sure? We can buy some-"

"No, I'm completely fine now. I promise."

Tyler nodded."Okay. I gotta take a shower, go find something to eat."

I nodded back, breathing deeply as I turned on my heel and headed towards the kitchen.

That was too close of a call. I needed to ensure that I didn't cut it this close again. I let out a tension-filled breath. He doesn't know.

Just as I was starting to relax, thinking I'd gotten away, Tyler called,"What's this in the sink?"

Don't be mad at me, y'all should know that cutting doesn't just stop. I know some of you guys have done it before and are still doing it. I'm not gonna tell you to stop, I only hope that you get better :)

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