Solby Love

Before Sam

Contains self harm, abuse, religion, sad thoughts, and attempted suicide. If you don't wanna read you don't have to just skip to the next chapter this has a small part in the story so summarizing. Colby's dad was abusive and one night it got too far because Colby told his dad that he was gay. Colby started cutting and having suicidal thoughts. Colby loved Sam with all his heart and he ran away to Los Angeles with Sam. you can skip now.

Colby's pov: Before Sam I was the "perfect Christian child". I remember how every time I tried to tell my dad anything that I did wrong he would immediately loosen his belt and start punishing me for my sins. I never told anyone except someone I don't believe in anymore. Someone who wasn't there when I was bleeding to death in my own bed. I would go to church every Sunday dressed in a white button down shirt and a strangling tie hiding the secrets all over my body. When I was about 15 a week away from my 16th birthday my dad told me that there was a new family. The Golbach family and that they were Christian as well. My dad thought Sam would be a good influence on my damned soul. I met Sam the next Sunday and I instantly got lost in his eyes. My 15 year old mind thought he is so cute but I can't have him because of this stupid life. I became friends with him we started social media but all I wanted was to tell him that I liked him. I asked my uncle, who was gay, what to do. He told me," when you are 18 tell your dad and then run away with your friend Sam to pursue your dream." I waited everyday I couldn't stop thinking of Sam and how I couldn't tell anyone anything. I started cutting my wrists with a mechanical pencil leaving half rug burns half cuts. I then moved on to using unraveled paper clips to get deeper cuts. I finally used a razor and made the deepest cut I had ever had.

My dad caught me doing it one time when I was 17 and he dragged me down from the third floor to the basement. He grabbed a deck of cards and I knew what he was going to do. He also grabbed three belts and rope. When he came back downstairs he took my shirt and pants off and tied me to a chair. He slowly opened the pack of cards and began to throw each one at me leaving cuts. After all 52 cards I was covered in my blood and tears, but he grabbed the first belt and began whipping having no sympathy. He said shit like "you need to be a better child. I wish I never had you as a child. You are a disappointment to this family and the lord!" The whole beating lasted 12 hours. When he finally thought that he had gotten to me he told me to clean up everything and go to my room. I spent a hour cleaning all the cards, wiping all the blood off the concrete, and cleaning the stains on the belts. I cried the whole rest of the night cutting myself 10 times every 30 minutes. At one point I thought I had died. The next morning was a Saturday and I woke up on my floor covered in my blood from the previous night. I was surprised that I was still alive. I took a shower and mended all my cuts. I saw a note that said that my family was at a religious activity so I sat in my room in a black jacket, black beanie, black pants, and to top it all off I used my mom's eyeliner to outline my eyes. I took a picture of myself and sent it to Sam. Sam had sent a pic of him in a bright room in a pastel pink shirt frowning. Are you ok? NO. I wasn't ok how could I have been. all I sent back was no.

Sam came to my 18th birthday party. I told him that we wouldn't have to stay in this awful place anymore. He didn't understand so I explained that we were going to run away together to pursue our YouTube dream in the next week or so and that I would text him when we were gonna leave. I was about to tell my dad that I was gay when he told me he was now proud of me. I told him not to be proud and he looked at me confused but smiled,"what do you mean?" "I mean I'm gay so you can't love me apparently." He yelled at me to get out of his house I gladly did so. I texted Sam and we pursued our dreams. My suicidal thoughts went away a month after I left my family.

Author's note: Sorry that was an intense chapter. I thought It would make the story more interesting. I have gone through mental abuse and I have caused myself self harm, but don't worry about me I have friends who help me all the time. I still feel like I can't tell my very Mormon family that I am bisexual. That's just a title and in the end we are all just human and we need to be accepting of everyone. You are all perfect to me! <3