Echoes

Season 1: Chapter 1- Struggle

   Introduction:

   04/01/18
  
   She was a stranger to me. A person whose sore energy can be felt. The most negative feelings, expression and actions, coming from two words. "Kill yourself." These words echoed through my head all night. My mind telling me to give up, and my heart telling me to hold on.

  

   I woke up early on a Monday morning, getting ready for school. It was halfway through the semester and I wanted to feel the summer vibes. I went to school with a big smile on my face, as usual. My classmates were always energized in the morning and so I wished I had the same energy. This extrovert who somehow is the source of all noise, doing that to impress. I'm either judgmental or I hate everyone around me. "You should die, dumbass." said the people around me. Stayed silent, because why not? I'm emotionally defenseless and this is what I deal with every day.

   It was 4:00 in the afternoon. Classes were over and I finally hopped into my Grandma's car. "How was your day?" she asked. "It was great. Got an A+ in Science today." LIE NUMBER 1. The first time I've ever lied about my grades. "That's great! You're slowly becoming like your Mom now. Keep it up!".

   I finally went home and as usual, my Dad was at work, and my older sister, Reese, was still in school. My little brother, Avenir, knocked on my door while I was trying to sleep. "Hey, do you think Dad will be able to attend my badminton game?" he asked. "I'm sure he'll make it. If he can't, Reese and I will be there. I promise." I said. "This is the first time Mom wouldn't be able to attend my game." he added "I feel disappointed." I went up to him and wiped the tears off his face. I hugged him tight and said "It'll be alright. You of all people should understand why." And he went out of my room and continued studying.

   As I laid in my bed, trying to sleep out all the pain of everything that's happening, I couldn't help but think of my first lie. My phone lit up and I saw a text message from my best friend, Ashley.

Ashley: Hey, how was school?

Me: Same thing all over and over again. WYD?

Ashley: Erm... nothing much. You?

Me: I'm trying to sleep. It's so hard lately.

Ashley: You wanna come over? I've got snacks.

Me: I'd love to but, I gotta watch over Avenir to make sure he doesn't get into any accidents or something. He's pretty upset.

Ashley: Okay, understood. Just come over anytime you feel like it, okay? I love you.

Me: I love you too.

The sweet words she tells all the time makes me happy. She's the only person I have who understands me. Ashely lives across the street, which is a big advantage for me. She's the reason I get fat but well, who cares?

   "I love you." Those three words echoed in my mind, triggered a memory from before, one I am afraid of. A memory that shattered my emotions, thinking that I won't be able to feel anything ever again. I felt my chest getting so tight, I couldn't breathe, I was struggling. It was killing me... slowly. Until finally, I tried to calm down with the music on my phone. The ones my Mom would listen to all the time for stress relief.