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Will most likely delete this

So how was your Easter?

For the most part, mine was good. A little crazy of a weekend, but good. I'm a little upset about seeing someone's breasts more often than needed, getting glass in my foot, and being ignored a lot. But other than that, good.

The thing that made my weekend though was seeing someone special. Someone I haven't seen in a while.

I was so happy to see her. She was even more beautiful than I remembered. She had such an astounding smile. And for the first time in some while, I felt.. calm. Safe. Brave. Joyful.

I felt as if I could face my fears. At least- have it to where I could lay in the dark. I felt like my child self, like nothing could go wrong. I didn't feel like death was mocking me, waiting for me.

I didn't cry myself to sleep for once. I didn't feel scared those few nights. I felt the need to take care of myself for once.

On Sunday night, it was back to my old, unhealthy ways. I feel incomplete, vulnerable, and paranoid again.

I know in the end, I have to accept it. Even if it kills me.

I fucked up everything I could ask for, and I can't have it- her- back.

But listen to me now, to that beautiful girl. You go for what makes you happy- don't you dare hold back. If you think who you like is out of your league, go for it anyway. When you see me again, take my half of what I gave you, and give it to someone else.

To others- say goodbye to what hurts you. I can't let go, but you can. I know it.