Peak (an Ansel Elgort fanfic)

Peak (an Ansel Elgort fanfic) Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5
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HANNAH POV
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As I walk into the room, I read the sign on the door.

Dr. Emma Lorraine's therapist office.
-Appointment only-

As I enter the room, I see a couch and a desk with a chair. The walls are white, and there's a painting of a forest on the wall. I carefully sit on the couch and wait for the doctor. I notice that on the door there's a padlock, a big one.

I guess it's to keep in the crazy people so they don't run away, I think.

Am I one of those crazy people? This thought chills me, so I push that thought aside and try to think about Ansel.

I can't wait for the trip this weekend. I love Ansel so much. I wonder if I really am crazy. If Ansel knew, would he still love me? Would he still love me if he knew someone drowned and I didn't save them?

Before I can think anymore, I hear the door open and see the doctor walk in. Dr. Lorraine is short and thin, with long, golden brown hair and gorgeous blue eyes. Seeing her makes my stomach flip, and I'm not sure why. She reminds me a lot of someone, but I don't know who.

"Hello," she introduces herself, "I'm Dr. Lorraine. But, please, call me Emma." Her voice is so familiar; I can almost hear it in my head, calling my name.

"Hello, Emma. I'm Hannah Morgan." I say, as she sits in the desk chair. She pulls a clipboard and a pen. She smiles at me kindly.

"So, Hannah, what's bothering you?" I'm not exactly sure how to respond to this.

"Traumatic childhood memory, I guess?" She nods, wanting more. I take a deep breath. This will be hard to explain without breaking down.

"So, um, it was around 2002, when I was like, seven? My friend and I, we were very adventurous. Her dad had taken us tubing and boating. After, he told us to go back to her house, by ourselves, while he was putting the boat away. On the way back, we saw this wood dock and the water, it was practically black. The wood dock was so old, it shook when you took a step. And the water was black, and gross, and had very strong currents. My friend and I, being the daredevils we were, decided to dare each other to jump in. It was all fun and games until we actually jumped in. After we jumped, and I came up to the surface, I didn't see her. I figured she was just messing around, but she wasn't. After a few seconds, I heard a scream. It was her. When I turned around, there she was. Drowning. It was the scariest thing I've ever seen, I tell you. Her eyes were red, and she was coughing water, and her arms were flailing. I tried to save her, I really did. But I didn't. She drowned. She drowned, for god's sake. After she drowned, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't face her parents. I ran home, even though I had no idea how to get home. After she died, her parents gave no recognition of it. They didn't have a funeral or anything. They put their house up for sale, and moved. I never heard from them after that day. They never said anything to me about it. But they didn't have to. I already knew they hated me." By the end, tears are running down my face and my voice is scratchy. Dr. Lorraine's eyes are wide and absently staring, but I'm not sure why. After a minute, she snaps back to reality.

"That sounds...absolutely horrible." She responds, her voice tight. She nods, tapping her pen on the table.

"Who was this girl you were friends with? The one who drowned?" She asks. I shrug my shoulders.

"I honestly don't remember her name, and I don't want to. I could probably remember, but I'd like to not think about it." I murmur, my hands clasped in my lap. She nods, and gives me a piece of paper. It has a bunch of questions on it, such as;

How is your social life? How is your relationship with your parents? Are you in a romantic relationship? Where do you live? Who do you live with?

After I fill out the form, and give it back to her, she reads it. After a few minutes, she sets the paper down, and looks at me.

"So, how is your life right now?" She questions me, folding her hands on her desk. I smile.

"Great. I'm so lucky. I'm living in my own apartment. I have a job at an insurance firm as an intern. I have a boyfriend. Things are looking up for me." After saying this, I laugh. I really do have a good life. Maybe I didn't before, but I do now. I see Dr. Lorraine smile.

"That's great, Hannah. It seems like you're ready to move on and start a new beginning, but this event is a big roadblock for you, isn't it?" Her voice sounds degrading, like she's talking to a child. I nod. She continues on.

"I think you have a great outlook on your life, Hannah. It's just this one memory we have to help you...get over. You have to understand that the past is the past. You can't change what happened, so why not just forget about it?" I want to punch her in the face. She doesn't understand what it's like to have a memory like this hanging over your head your entire life.

"And, how do I do that...?" I ask, crossing my arms.

"I'd say, spend some quality time with your boyfriend, and make new memories. Maybe making new memories will help you forget that one. Yes, that should help. When are you seeing him again?"

"We are going on vacation this weekend." As soon as I say the word vacation, her lips puker in dissatisfaction. She sighs and runs a hand through her hair.

"Hannah, I don't know how to say this but...you shouldn't be going on vacation. Your mind is sick right now, and you need to relax it."

"But vacation is relaxing."

"I'm just saying, it won't be good for you."

"I'm not canceling the vacation."

"Fine." Dr. Lorraine gets out of her chair and walks to the door. "Enjoy your vacation. Please stay safe. And please come back if you need anything." Instead of responding, I walk out the door silently.