Hurts Like Heaven

Chapter 11 - These Friends Are, New Friends Are Golden

***KARA***

Conner may be calming down, but I'm still very concerned for him and his emotional well-being now that his other biggest tormentor is back. So as much as I might want to sit in on an interview with her - nowhere though it may go - those in charge here have decided to lock both her and Lex Luthor away somewhere a little more secure.

In fact, Other Barry and Other Kara both suggest we Earth-1 people just go home for a bit. Cool down, you know? No, seriously, that's what my other self says. With a tad bit of a Minnesota Nice impression too, or so it sounds to me.

"You sure we can't stay to help?" I ask.

"We'd love to have you around," Mon says, "but too many cooks in the kitchen, y'know? And as a sometime cook and bartender myself, I should know."

Cisco looks back at all our Earth-2 peeps with a flash of fondness, but then turns oddly businesslike as he consults his smart watch. "Yeah, and we all got our own business to take care of back home, y'know what I mean?"

"I don't have business," Conner says. Yes, he's calm now, but he also sounds pretty sad. Does he usually sound so out of it when coming down off a flash of anger? Or maybe he needs more music again, this despite him having just spent a few minutes getting a hit off some 80s dance-caffeine.

"Hold on to that while you still can," Jesse says. "That's my advice." She offers Conner a hug, which he accepts with enthusiasm. "Wow, you hug hard," she says with a laugh.

While he blushes, both versions of Clark and me are quick to say, "It's a Kryptonian thing."

"Trust me," says Barry. Then Mon joins in on him to say, "We know."

"Jinxes all around," Diana says with a smirk. "Back home, you know how we cure ourselves of these jinxes?"

"Buy each other Pepsi?" Cisco asks.

Diana shakes her head. "We're a Coke country, I'm afraid."

"Hop on one foot and spit on the floor?" suggests Other Cait.

Diana scoffs at her and delivers another impressive head-shake and eye-roll. "Caitlin, you've worked with me long enough to know I'm not your grandmother's witch." She chuckles to herself, then adds, "No, seriously, that's how it was done in my grandmother's time. But nowadays, we do dance battles."

Barry - mine, I mean - and Mon size each other up. "Rain check on the dance battle, bro?" Mon asks.

"He's gonna win," Other Barry says. "Mon, I mean. If this Barry's anything like me, he can't dance worth a spit." Aww, he not only dresses like a milquetoast, he even swears like one too. Not that I'm complaining, but still, it's just weird to hear this level of polity from Barry's mouth. Just high enough compared to my Barry that it feels a little uncanny valley.

Listen to me, saying words like "polity" even in my own thoughts. Cat would be proud enough to promote me to official company blogger. Sorry, Miss Tessmacher, or whichever other underling of Cat's whose first name she never even bothers to learn properly. Or maybe she calls her "Ava" or "Eva" instead of "Eve." In which case, Cat's probably just practicing her WALL•E impression.

As for me in the real world, I nudge Barry and say, "This guy's not as athletic as you, I don't think."

"And all athleticism he does get," Jax says with his arms crossed, "he gets by stealing my booty when we fuse."

"Are you still on that?" Jesse facepalms, as does Caitlin.

"How would I even...?" Other Barry gripes. "There's no scientific way I could-"

"There's no scientific way we could Firestorm," Jax says. "According to college physics textbooks. And yet."

It's a long goodbye, almost five minutes, before Cisco gathers us all around him so he can vibe us back to Earth-1. The trip is less than a second but feels infinitely longer than the goodbye, and when we land on the floor at our STAR Labs, Cisco's pretty wiped out. "Happens when I try to vibe this many people at once," he says.

As Barry and I help him to his feet, I point out, "You didn't look so tired after we made the trip there the first time."

"My vibe muscles weren't worn out from heavy use," Cisco points out.

"You have vibe muscles now?" Clark asks.

"Not all of us can have shredded bods like you aliens and speedsters," Cisco says.

Diana tilts her head. "Don't forget demigoddesses."

Cisco tilts his head in a mirror image of hers. "Could've sworn you were a full goddess, Wonder Woman."

"Please, never. Absolute power corrupts absolutely." Diana wipes off some imaginary dust from her armor.

"Oh, you're back!" Caitlin - our Caitlin, without meta powers - races into the room. "How'd it go on Earth-2? Wait, wait, don't tell me just yet..." She turns to Barry and tells him, "Joe and Iris are upstairs. Your family's, uh, grown a little bit since you were last here."

"How?" Barry asks. "Don't tell me - Eddie and Iris are having a baby?"

"That'd be sweet," Cait says, "but that's not the news, no."

My heart sinks just a bit, because I admit, Cait's wording got my hopes up for a little West baby. Or, more accurately, West-Thawne - I think that's what Eddie and Iris going to call themselves when they eventually get married. Something about it possibly throwing off the chances of a descendant of theirs growing up to become the dreaded Eobard Thawne, but Barry's never quite explained the details. It all happened before I met him, that's all I know.

And what about if Barry and I have a baby after all? How will we change our name when we get married? Barry and Kara Danvers-Allen? It has a nice ring to it, no? Pun not intended, of course.

"What's the news, then?" Barry bounces on the balls of his feet.

"Well," Cait begins with a shy smile, "his name is Wally. Wally West. And oh my God, he's so cute! Where does your family get it? I need to know!"

"Hold up!" Cisco elbows past Barry and Cait. "I gotta check this guy out for myself. Make sure I'm not losing my throne as cute king of the lab!"

"Jealous much?" I ask his retreating back.

"You'd be surprised," says Barry. "Excuse me..." He follows Cisco, no doubt hoping to prevent his bestie from killing the brother he never knew he had.

Wow, I never thought I'd even consider putting those words together in a sentence like that. Insert that one SpongeBob meme here like I'm Cisco, and now I feel like I'm being a better Cisco than the suddenly jealous one we're having to witness now. It's hardly in character for the guy who, to hear Barry tell it, used to always fanboy about meeting me and call Barry a saint just for introducing us.

Everyone follows me as I follow Barry to the nerve center of the lab, a place that looks so empty compared to its Earth-2 counterpart's hustle and bustle as commanded by Jesse. Here, the only occupants are Joe and Iris, as well as another guy, black just like the rest of the Wests. He looks college-age, somewhere between me and Conner. And Caitlin was right, he's pretty cute, especially with that winning smile on his face when he and Barry shake hands for the first time.

"You're staring, cousins," Clark remarks from behind us.

Conner and I exchange glances and blushes.

"Don't act like you weren't too," Diana tells her significant other. "How many times do I have to tell you there's nothing wrong with being bisexual?"

"Sorry," Clark says super sheepishly. "Relic of being raised in Kansas."

"Nothing good there but barbecue sauce," Caitlin says. "Am I right?"

"Only in the city," Clark says.