bubble gum baby

im sorry i didn't kiss you

it was a lazy day.
a day that creeps up through your toes, and demands itself into your lungs.
a day that could last five minutes or thirteen hours with no say so, it just happened.
these were the days that made you live.
the days that made you really live.
the days that make you want to do yoga or to hug someone.

Fuck that.

"mum, do we have almond milk?" I shouted wearily from the top of our shifty wooden stairs, into the kitchen of approximately no room.
with no reply, I stumbled back into my abyss of a room, dragging my decade old school bag behind my ankles.
I guess it wasn't a cereal day, or a breakfast day.
Hell, in my eyes this day could wither into nothing and I wouldn't mind a cent.

Yanking open the stiff always unlocked window, I threw my legs onto the fire escape, that probably couldn't support more than my petite frame of one hundred and thirteen pounds.
For a second, instead of letting myself grumble about my good for nothing life, I focused on the clanking of the iron beneath my soles.
this wasn't going to be a lazy day.

*bell rings*

seventh period. it marks three exponential things.
one. only forty five minutes till I'm home free.
two. it's the class I share with some of the most annoying people found in highschool.
three. it's the only class I have with my best friend Billie.

speaking of which.

"did you finish the homework?" Billie asked, her usual snarl twisted into an almost unrecognizable smile.
I let out a snort.
"Okay okay fine, I didn't think you did. but it's due today and the semester is almost over."
"so?"
"so, I thought maybe you'd try to pull your grade up from a... what is it? thirty, twenty?"
"It's failing. you do have a point, but what is the point? I'm just gonna end up picking my mom's shifts up at the theater."
"it's not too late to think about college, you know" Billie suggests, as we plunder into our seats.
I let out another snort, this time I really put my all into it, just to let her know I'm done with the conversation.
she rolled her eyes, and it took me a second to process it. she really was upset about this.
"listen Billz," I started, using my old nickname for her. "I'm like the sidekick friend, right. I'm here to make you look good. I'm here to be at the sideline when you finish your marathons."
She replied with a "I don't run" and it was my turn to roll my eyes.

I proceeded to my usual routine in science class. scribble notes, and keep myself from falling into a slumber that I missed the night before.
from the corner of my eyes, I could've swore i caught a glimpse of finn wolfhard staring at me. the kindest asshole of the group, if that could even exist.
I found his eyes with my own gaze, and let it rest with his stare. usually I would've lost my confidence, and become self conscious in my baggy hoodie. Instead, I folded my chin over my hands and looked straight back into his intimidating eyes.
A minute had passed before I felt uncomfortable. he sensed the tension as well, and left my eyes to themselves. Before he did that though, he winked.
he winked with such gentleness, I stopped my breath for a second.

"Clairooooooo" Billie muttered from my side. I turned to her with a "hmmmm?" She gestured to the science teacher, who was also gesturing at me. this time, he was trying to get me to walk over.
Standing up, I realized how quiet the room around me was.
I walked even quieter to his desk, literally basking in the awkwardness.

"Yes sir?" I croaked embarrassingly, my throat suddenly becoming stiff.

"Clairo, I wanted to talk to you about your grades." He murmered, I choked back a laugh. My grades were the least of my worries.
"I think you should get a tutor, you don't seem to be keeping up with the content in class."
I bit my lip and looked down at my hands.
"I could tutor her." a confident voice suggested from behind me.
I turned around quickly to find finn standing rather closely to my back.
"Do you think you're up for that?" I asked with a sudden confidence ride.
"To be fair Clairo, I'm not the one who needs a tutor."
"Mr Wolfhard is correct, dear. He has great grades with a clean record while also managing extra curriculars. I applaud you young fellow." Mr Jones said, smiling at finn.
"Ah thank you sir. so ms. Jane, I'll meet you after school at your locker." He said with another wink. I nodded, but he was already heading back to his desk.