I'd rather be alone...

Prologue/backstory and what im about

It's cold. I'm sleeping in my room, only four months off of Christmas time and I'm opening my windows for summer breeze, but winter is being persistent and it's snowing, it's cold in here. I'm cold. I'm sad. I'm. . . here. I don't want to be here. I have depression, I'd kill my self but I'm to scared of death, I don't want to go to hell, but ironically I don't want to go to heaven either. And I definitely don't want to hurt others, but I wanna to stop existing, that be nice. There was suicide in my town a while back. It fascinated me in a sick perverted way. The concept of death of ones own volition. Sad to say the death inspired something inside me, depression. I don't know who I am anymore, am I even human anymore? What if I'm a ghost wandering the world in a sad shell. What if I never existed in the first place. I could only wish I didn't exist. I never asked for it. As far back as I remember, I remember from when I was about five, I wanted to die. The plan was always the same graduate high school, move as far away as possible drop all sentiment of my old life and jump of a cliff. Even as a little shit kid I wanted to die a harsh death. Maybe what happened to me was a punishment for my sins. Or maybe it's a reward for lasting this long.
Have you ever had a split personality? Not just, "oh hi I'm not the person you know who's regularly here" that's a shit example I know but keep with me. I have one split personality . . . Grim, his name is Grim Blackmire, he's named, no he is, a character from a book I wrote, well that's a long story and Grim's from the second book that I haven't written yet, but it's mapped out in notes. Anyway the personality, Grim is a psychopath, maybe that's why I love him, I don't quite know. All I do know is that my depression got really bad and my psyche needed something strong to keep me from going brain dead, long story short I went temporarily insane and that's when Grim became a thing. Grim has fully come out twice, excluding what your going to read about here. The first time he came out  I thought it was cool to have someone else living in the same body as me, until he went on a hike.
In rural north east Iowa, by north east I mean I can walk to Minnesota and if there wasn't a river I could walk to Wisconsin too. Anyway in north east Iowa you live in one of two places, either you live inside goddamn plain farm land, or you live in a valley filled with trees and deer, of course that's what humans didn't put, there are buildings too we don't sleep on the ground. But back to "good" o'le Grim.
When I let Grim out the first time he went for a walk, and found a small deer eating grass. Either it was a brave fuck or a complete dumbass, because Grim walked right up to it, put his hand on its head, started petting it, and grabs its front legs snapping them like twigs. Well not just a regular grab, he kicked one out to the side got MY shoulder under its leg and jumped up. As quick as he did it the bone snapped, we felt it snap. The fucking deer screamed out as I . . . Sorry he likes to start switching like that. The POOR deer screamed in pain before Grim grabbed its other leg ran it into a tree and broke that one too. When the deer fell to the ground Grim stood over it as it struggled, didn't succeed, to get up and run away. If you've ever read or watched JoJo's Bizarre Adventures then you meet a dog named Iggy. Iggy was a small dog who was killed after its injuries got the best of him. Grim gave this deer the same injury's. He rolled the deer, who couldn't have been a year old yet, over and kicked at its ribs. When the FUCKING infant was coughing up blood Grim turned around, grabbed a lawn chair someone threw away, set it up and watched the deer bleed to death from its internal bleeding. That is why Grim Blackmire doesn't leave the confines of my sub-conscious without heavy resistance.
I know what your all thinking, "Your disgusting! How could you do that to a baby deer?" To which I respectfully respond, shut up and listen. Yes it was my hand that were stained with the deers blood, I feel like washing my hands now. But believe me I tried to stop it. The moment Grim first hit the deer I tried taking control, the thing about split personalities like this, as Grim tells me, is that it's nearly impossible for a personality to take control unless the other consents in a way. And Grim's a dick so he didn't give consent. That was the first time before my story, the second time I got jumped by a coyote, immediately let Grim out and he did just about the same thing to that coyote. Except he broke the jaw of the coyote too, and that's how I got this scar.
That's about all the history of Grim and my psychological state that you need to know about. I was sixteen and a sophomore in high school, weird I know why would a sixteen year old write this? Because I needed to. I didn't want to I'd rather have stopped existing entirely, but they insisted on this happening, so it is. If your still confused on the nature of this it's okay, it'll all be okay, this is a story about romance! Horror! Depression! Fear! My death! And most importantly . . . this is going to tell you about how horrible your little world actually is, spoilers it's fucking scary.