Trapped In Thought

Lucien lay on his bed, hands resting under his weary head that was full of heavy thoughts. His eyes aimlessly wondered around his room while he examined every detail of his mind's broken pieces, trying to put himself back together.

"There you are, you fucking mess."

Lucien lifted his head up to the venomous voice that pierced the silence with its familiar fangs.

"Hey Caspar." Lucien replied, ignoring the insult and lifting himself slightly off of his bed to look at the boy who was now standing in front of him with his arms crossed.

"Where have you been all day? Sulking in your room? Feeling sorry for yourself, Lucien? Huh? That's all you're good for, isn't it?"

Lucien's eyes fell to the ground as he inhaled deeply, trying to hold any sign of emotion in. He wasn't ready for this. Nor did he want it. Not now.

"No, I'm just tired, that's all." He lied, watching Caspar unfold his arms and roll his menacing eyes.

"Yeah right. You're a fool, that's what you are. Blinding yourself with your own pathetic lies. You're good for nothing. You're useless."

"What do you want, Caspar?" Lucien asked, eyes beginning to sting.

"I want you to stop lying to yourself. Stop being so damn stupid. You have no friends, Lucien! No one who really cares about you! Open your eyes, man! No one wants you here. You. Are. Pathetic."

"I'm.. I-.."

Lucien's mind started to stir. His hands clutched the hair on the sides of his head, trying to pull Caspar's remarks out, and prevent them from latching onto his brain, where they would do nothing more than feast upon it.

He stood up from his bed to try and escape the disease, but Caspar wasn't giving in.

He shoved Lucien back on his bed and began to shout, face reddening with every word.

"Why are you so stupid, Lucien? WHY CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT?"

Angry tears consumed Caspar's eyes as he spoke. His hands were shaking and his face was cherry red. Lucien tried so hard to think of something to say, something to show Caspar that he wasn't useless.. That he didn't mess everything up...

But his mind was blank.

He started to cry with the angry boy, but unlike Caspar, whose tears were full of frustration and spite, his tears held pain and humiliation.

"P-please... just.. stop yelling.." Lucien's voice shook as while his lungs violently searched for air, but all he could find, all he could feel was Caspar. His taunts were absorbed into Lucien's lungs, filing them with a burning desire to yell at him, and to stand up for himself... But he couldn't do it.. Deep down in his rational heart that lay within his foolish heart, he knew he was right.

Caspar's shoulders relaxed as he shook his head and rubbed his forehead with his hand.

"You're so fucking pathetic..."

He didn't dare rise from his bed as Caspar stood in front of him, searching him for something he could never seem to find.

"I-... I mean, it's just.. so hard.. to fit in Caspar.. It's so hard to live up to everyone's expectations, when you yourself don't know what your purpose is.. But I can try Caspar.. I can change, I promise.."

Caspar's eyes narrowed, and let the special loathing he had for Lucien show now more than ever as he let out a disgusted laugh.

"You'll never change, Lucien. You'll always be a freak. A useless piece of shit."

At these words, Lucien felt his body break down, his head pounding and begging for it all to stop. His eyes and throat were sore from the constant struggle of arguing, knowing it was doing absolutely no good. He said all he could think to say to help Caspar understand what he was feeling, but despite his every effort, Caspar's feelings wouldn't budge.

Caspar sighed. His bitter tears had stopped, but left red marks under his swollen eyes.

"Typical Lucien. Just fucking end it, you coward."

Caspar disappeared back into Lucien's thoughts as he lay motionless on his bed, devoured by his own mind.

He pulled his numbing body towards the ceiling to sit upright on his bed, with not a single thought lacing his mind. He watched the pill bottle on his dresser, giving it a defeated stare.

"You win."

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Thank you guys so much for reading! I decided that I needed to work a little more on this story to improve it :)

Feedback is always appreciated!

Thanks again,

-Kenzie