Why is this happening NOW!!
I'm only writing here because it's dark and my little sister is asleep and on top of me and just life and- ugh..
So think of this as a rant or a diary page what what ever-
But.. Today I decided I wanted to dress cute right? So this bitch who has been giving me stress since last year named Avery came up to me today and I was just minding my own business and she said. "Why are you trying to be cute? Are you that desperate for a boyfriend!?" She said and her friend Carly, who has been giving shit since the FIRST FUCKING GRADE, came up and said "it's not like it's working because your so fucking ugly" and that really put me in a mood because I woke up actually not depressed this morning and now I'm just feeling self-conscious because Avery and Carly are so pretty and everyone just likes them because of that and because of who their siblings are and it's like I'm purposely getting targeted because when I had my weave in people would call me "Whoopi Goldberg" and it really got annoying after thirty minutes and I had that in for like a month so it was already bad enough that people were using her to insult me and make me feel bad because they made me think that I was just some copycat of someone who was famous and I'm not like that and it really got to me not to mention the fact that these past two months have been really bad for me with Anthony and Taylor and the news that Haley is moving, so I'm going to be stuck by myself again because she's more than likely not moving back this time because her mom has a new boyfriend and that means that Haley will be with them and that hurts because who will I have when the school year stars back up? No one because if I haven't said this before I'll say it again.. I'm avoided by people who call themselves my friends but really they talk about me not knowing what they're doing as they do it and the fact that people dislike me for watching anime and I'm over here like. "name one nigga who ain't seen dbz" and that still pisses me off because they say I'm weird for watching, call me a weeaboo, then fucking say I should stop watching it because your not Japanese and that really pushes me over the edge because they don't understand what it's like to be verbally abused by your step mom or step sister and get cussed out for no reason what so ever. So how am I the weird one if I just want to have the life of a fictional character because mine is so shitty and useless... Literally, I've embraced people hate on me so much I began to hate myself and that led to just worthless rants and useless words.. And sometimes I just think to myself, and wonder why I have this life... I don't know my real dad other than his name and face, my mom's an addict who doesn't care for her children, my grandma doesn't even know what the word "depressed" means and doesn't support lgbt+ because of the Bible, my step dad obviously doesn't care for me because I'm not his real kid.. So who do I have? Rayven have her own problems with bipolar attitudes and school. Shai and Tyran are graduates and don't care what happens at the highschool anymore so that leaves me by myself.. All alone.. With no one... Adia... Quilliyah... And now Haley... Not to mention Haley have been a bit distant lately, but that could be my imagination.. That's not the issue... By this point.. I guess a lot of this is an issue huh..? I'll stop it's like.. 11:15 at night and I have this huge headache and I can't sleep... But on a happier note... I think I passed my test yesterday, it was so easy and the prompt was so easy and like.. It was a breeze... But at the same time I couldn't sleep and didn't eat breakfast so that was that.. Okay I'll stop now.. .-.
