I miss you.
I dont know what words can exactly describe how much but "baby, pakyu! :) "
Late night calls, Morning chats..
Nonsense topics, unending debates..
I never realize how amazing it is to find someone who wants to know everything that goes in your head..
Not until I met you.
Have I told you I like your eyes?
Have I told you I like your voice?
Have I told you I like it when your mad?
Have I told you I like your lips?
Have I told you I like your childishness?
Have I told you I like your ideas?
But of course you know all of that,
YOU're conceited. Yeah yeah I can still remember how much.
But once and for all..
For so long, I'm trying to tell you this..
I FELL INLOVE WITH YOUR SOUL.
Took me long to admit that.
But fvck., I DID! BIG TIME.
I fell in love with the things you hate about yourself..
How can you not see how wonderful you are?
How can you not see how deserving you are?
How can you not see YOU in my point of view?
Ghad, If you can just see.. You will fall inlove with yourself too.
Because I did. I LOVE YOU.
You're the most beautiful combination of DNA and I crave every part of you.
Big word.. And It scares the hell out of me.
So please understand why I over reacted when you first stopped talking to me..
Why I was badly hurt when I didn't mattered anymore, well, not like I ever did.
It felt like a big part of me was taken away.
I can't do anything without thinking about you.
I don't know what's going on with me but I want to know what's going on with you.
Those first three months that we suddenly stopped talking like we used to, fvck. That hurts a lot..
How can I make you understand this? I love you and I hate it.
I remembered when we had this conversation about how curiosity killed the cat.
And yes, maybe curiosity got me.
I met you when you were broken like a glass scattered all over.
You were all pain and like the life had been sucked out of you.
I wanted to see you happy.
I wanted to help you, to be always there for you.
And so, I tried..
I tried really hard to pick you up..
The more I tried, the more fragile and weak myself become but I didn't care..
Eventually, you can finally get up.
But you didn't take me with you.
I've been stuck here where I first found you.
And remember at the end of our conversation you told me that the cat didn't died..
It could be dead but it could also be alive..
but hey baby, I think I died.
I think curiosity killed me.
And now I'm wondering,
How can I love you and hate you at the same time?!
You taught me the different meaning of pakyu..
When I use that word, all I could think of is you..
Maybe pakyu is our always..
Or maybe, my always for you.
Baby, pakyu.
But all we had is this friendship.
But hey, It's a different kind of friendship.
For a while there, I was really happy.
How ironic is it?
You were the one who told me that people always leave..
And I tried to change your point of view..
But you're the one who left.
Like what Lang Leav wrote, 'it's not like you would have stayed if they hadn't left you first'.
Do you understand now?
Why I was hurt but never left?.
You were my dream..
And I once had this crazy fantasy that maybe..
just maybe..
my dream and fate will collide.
But all it left were holes inside.
I'm sorry ..
I'm sorry for being irritating..
I'm sorry for being oa..
I'm sorry for all the dramas..
I'm sorry ..
Maybe I just seek your attention so much..
Like a flower who seeks for sun.
I need you.
I needed you so much..
Like how I always need food.
I wanted you so much like I wanted my strawberries.
It's been too long baby.
I've been bitter for so long.
But now, I can finally say, I'm letting go.
I'm happy now.
I can finally smile again.
I guess I can finally get up.
I'm not like what I used to when you were there,
but I know, in time, I will get better.
Maybe I just missed you.
I paking miss you.
You still haven't proved me how powerful your paking sonic screwdriver is.
We still haven't got the chance to watch our favorite tv series again.
I paking miss a friend I once had.
Come back, please.
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This is for YOU :)
I know you will never have the chance to read this. Or maybe if you have, you still wouldn't. 'Coz you are paking lazy :) I know I know.. Wrong grammars, shatap -__- PAKYU OY -__- I miss you :) I'm guessing, hmmm,, maybe you will be able to read this after a year or so :)
