on the way to the performance I listened to a song. the lyrics and sound reminded me of the feeling of regret. on the way back, I listened to the same song, engulfed by the same emotion.
I feel like dying, you know. I feel like dying because there's no life after high school. I feel like dying because I'm 14 going on fifteen, and not 17 going on 18 and walking the stage. I could have been a part of a family, but what's the fun in joining a year later when the people who made it amazing are gone? Because I feel like dying.
I feel like screaming, and I am so, so sad. I haven't felt just purely sad in a while. I've felt sad with anger, sad with dread, sad with happiness. but this is just plain sad. I can't do anything about this. I can't control anything. I can't do anything about it. and that's why I am sad.
I want to put a hole in a wall, or break some guitar strings. I want to cut a diamond in half. I want my inner flame to burn down the entire world. still, I am ice. but I'm melting, you see? I'm melting, and I'm catching ember, and I'm burning alive, and I'm dying.
I'm dying. I'm dying. I want to die. or I want to go back in time. or I want to take the being of my regret and send it to hell. and all I can see is the face of someone I barely know; someone I first saw at a school play show. oh no. I really am just a sucker, aren't I? I suppose I am.
Yes, I surely am, because my heart was beating so fast. and a whole entire tsunami of alarm covered my body, and I was still shaking minutes after. And I regret so much. And I will never see him again.
and I feel like dying, just a little bit.
YOU ARE READING
GTR's Poetry
Randommy poetry swag ~~~ i actually created this poetry book a couple years ago but i want to put it to use again. there are some poems that i won't publish but idk i want to publish some and share what goes on inside my head to the world. enjoy.
