GTR's Poetry

december 2nd, 2017. (an unofficial morning entry.)

i woke up on december 2nd feeling the joy of christmas. i didn't know when that feeling would come, i was unsure when it would overwhelm me. but this morning, i felt it. finally. it's 8am but it's still dark in my room with the blinds closed, a sock is missing on my foot, and i'm thinking of my christmas list. i'm thinking of things that make me happy as well, aside the list. this really is what christmas is about: memories or things that make you happy. i only got 7 hours of sleep last night, so i hope i will be energized for tonight because, well, i guess i'll just say it: i'm going to merry main street. no, not as a class, i didn't sign up for the field trip. i'm actually going with my family. at first the idea angered me. but perhaps it could be a tradition? i don't know, i learned to love the idea. mainly because it will be a slightly different experience than last year, because we'll see different attractions and a made up town that's supposed to look like Germany, or something. the actual merry main street day is today, though, so i'm hoping i could still see my band mates, despite me not going on the field trip. isn't that peculiar? i'm going to wear my dark green mock neck today, to somewhat commemorate a bit. i want this day to be a day of remembrance and respect, but mostly happiness and positive nostalgia. maybe every year, december second is the day i first feel entirely christmassy. no, perhaps i'm getting carried away. but i feel it. i feel the season. and today is the day: one year ago, i had the best day of my life, that inspired songs and poems and grief, and i created and conceived and gave birth to something that is now my newfound love: my future album. a year ago today, i was in love. with a boy who was average, with a boy who was imperfect, with a boy that i described as a god. i actually spoke to him the most that day, meaning that was the day where i talked to him the most in under a few hours, whereas before or after then, whenever we talked, it was only a little bit, for that whole day. merry main street had magic. there was magic in the lights that were draped across the temple; there was magic in the air that the boy and i breathed; there was magic in my eyes (filled with wonder, awing and acting like a child,) magic in my soul (that i felt all of it, my soul overwhelmed with magic, it spinning inside of me,) and magic in my heart (that this made me the most joyful i last remember being. the magic was joy when it entered my heart, it was pink and red and christmas colors.) there was magic in the music we played, magic in everyone else too. it was extraordinary. that magic was a year ago.

and so now, i thank Time for this very special date. that though it caused me woe afterward, that it stripped me of joy and glazed me with nostalgia, i want to focus on the happiness only. because that's the only thing that matters. for the Woe, daresay, has passed me. and i pray for this to be true, and for it to not be falsehood, so i may not jinx it. it is a holiday, my good friends. it is the day of happiness, the day of utter perfection, the day of remembrance and respect upon the day that later turned me into who i am. thank you, from the bottom of my heart, and every fiber in my frame, hannah.