Daydreams Can't be Real

Prologue

I was hesitating for the whole 5 minutes the moment I stepped on our doorstep , ugh , wifi. I was supposed to give him a letter but instead I just sent him a message .

so I'm gonna love you, like I'm gonna lose you

shit the song kept playing in my head

I wrote this shit for like weeks ago . I copied it to our conversation and I'm about  to send it .

**sent

"I'm inlove with you okay? diko inakalang ganito . diko inakalang mafafall ako sayo . pero bakit ganto? ha? napapaisip ako bakit pag sayo jsq diko mastand na dika makausap pero pag iba na . parang wala na lang sakin . teeee bakit ka ba ganyan ha? bakit kaba pafall? bakit ba ang gwapo gwapo mo ? nainlove ako sayo ng diko nalalaman . nagulat nalang ako na . Tangina kailangan kitang maichat . I want you. I need you . pero alam kong you're just a hell of a fuckin temporary person in my life? diba?  I mean   nagkakaganito ko over a guy like you . LIKE YOU! alam mo ba yun ha? Tangina mo kasi e. jsq yung mga pinagsasabi mo sakin ? ha? especially yung kwass mo ? ha? once nagassume ako it was me . but no  . as if naman na maiinlove ka sa kagaya ko diba ? I mean by the looks of your face halatang you have a high standards pagdating sa babae .
But why ? why are you like this? why do you make me fall inlove with you every single day? I'm hell of inlove with you . TANGINA mo kasi . Bakit ka ganyaaaaaaaan . TANGINA ka . I love you to the bottom of my hypothalamus. I love you as hell okay? I miss you so much . na nagbabackread ako sa convo natin just to make myself laugh   . you're the best High humored guy I've ever known . grabe. BALIW NA BALIW NA KO SAYO  SOBRA . hindi ko maintindihan sarili ko . i never even planned to love you , Okay? I never even bothered myself to look at you. pero everytime na papasok ako jsq . I cant get my eyes off you . I love you . really.
I will miss you so baaaaad. tangina sana lang talaga . Ang swerte siguro nung crush mo no? wala syang kamalay malay na inlove ka sakanya? sana all"

fck fck fck . wait the other message

" Hey, congrats
Sa wakas , nakapagmoving up din tayo . Nakapasa rin , so I sent you this for you to know how and what I feel about you . I really like you , seriously .
It all started the time we're dancing , the time we're partners , at first sabi ko sa sarili ko "ah wala lang to sakin , partner lang kami "
someone is still in my mind the time we're practicing for our dance , the longer I've held your hands , the feelings I've got for you gets deeper. I dont know, I thought I just saw somebody else in you , my EX , the guy Im talking about, the guy Im crying for . I thought I just saw him in you , you're just the same , like hell . pero habang tumatagal nagiiba yung thoughts ko,nagiba yung conclusions ko , yung mga theories ko . I like you as you not as that good for nothing shit Ex . I've never confessed like this to a guy , but since we wont see each other again , I've had the urge to tell you , like you need to know that I love you . Its just not the same anymore , our conversations' got longer and deeper, and I'm cherishing every detail of it. Everytime I talk to you , everytime I laugh with you , everytime we talk , I just feel so special , as If I'm with you and I dont want this moment to end because I'm so happy to be with you . I've never felt this way before ,I've never felt this until you ,  you came into my life , I may be too late  but at least I got the chance to tell you this .  I dont want to assume too much . cuz' you may get the wrong Idea , that I'm a fuckin' bitch looking for someone to flirt with . No , I'm reaching you out on messenger, why? I loved talking to you . March 21 , I know were not close as shit but I've told you things , why? I trust you  , I told you those things cos' I've got no one to talk to , yung mga kaibigan ko , they wont understand me . But based on our past conversations , I've realised that you could understand me, I was crying the whole time were talking I was crying , but you told me things
that made me feel good that I'm special again , to someone, someone like you whom I dont even know nor you dont even know me . I've never felt this feeling again , I felt special the moment you replied to me . But by the time you ignored me , all of my thoughts about you were gone as if I was in a dream and some shit woke me up . I cant demand for you to reply to my messages . who am I? your girlfriend , hmm . Impossible. As if you could fall to just some girl like me , some girl that's seeking attention of a guy . Yes I'm seeking for your attention, I cant last a day without talking to you , I think I'm gonna die the moment I didnt send Only one message to you . Corny ko no ?  , I like you , wait I dont, I love you . I hope we could still see each other again. oh and  by the way , I admit it  You're handsome af. Oo na gwapo kana . I just cant admit it . Yung mga nickname mo ? I really dont want to change it . but you might get the Idea that I'm admitting it. fine ,  I'm admitting it , I loose ,  You're handsome af. and your genuine smiles and laughs are killin' me I just love it when we're together , I could always make you laugh through my silly jokes . hmp, I love you  and I really do . Hey ,
Before mag end yung school year I wanted to tell you something , I will tell you this ,tutal magkakahiwalay din naman tayo, I dont even know which damn senior highschool you're gonna enroll , ayaw mong sabihin sakin e.
I just want to tell you that I Love You.
The moment we touched hands every time we danced I felt so comfortable , as if you were mine , but I remembered , you will never be mine. I told my self not to fall for you but I just coudn't help myself .
Every time we laughed together, exchanged funny jokes ,teasing each other . I feel so comfortable being with you , I feel so happy being with you . By the time we practiced our steps for our dance , I'm so happy, why? because I could get closer to you and smell your undying Scent that I will never forget , I thought the scent I'm gonna be looking for is somebody else's , but no I'm looking for you, for your scent that is so good I wanted to be with you forever . But then I realised , I will never  be with you have you , I will never be yours ,and there will never be us . I knew it right from the start . That's why I'm telling you I love you . I hope once I got on my new school I'll forget you , your scent , your face , your killing smile . I love you , I love you so bad I needed to tell you . I love you . Always be happy . I love you Take care. "

shit. what have I done?

I'm gonna love you... like I'm gonna loooooose youuuu

fck. he's haunting me