Dear Diary ,
OK , so ECB banned me from England cricket . Well , who cares ? I have better things to do . Things like chewing on gums , trying to beat Stuart in Xbox football ( I'm still better in Live football) and polishing my shoes.
This morning , I had a chat with our honorable captain Alastair Cook. He said he wanted me back in the England Team . But the question is , how? Firstly , a team has 11 players and secondly I hate being twelfth man or substitute.
I guess I don't fit in the team . I'd better play football for FC Barcelona against Chelsea ( daren't play against any other team) . Hey wait , I'm a die hard Chelsea fan !
Go Chelsea! They won the match 3-0 against Arsenal last night ( I don't know which night).
Two hours ago , I was hanging out with James and Alastair in McDonalds.
James called me by my name . He called me by my name ? Kevin Pietersen !
Yes he did ! So , I whacked him . Call me KP or I'll whack you as well ( with a plastic bottle , I guess).
I ordered a big Mac . Well actually three of them , which spent all our share of money . I had to share my burgers with James and Alastair ( sadly).
Yesterday Graeme and I were opera singing in the car , which nearly took all my voice away .
I stopped , then. I took out my headphones and started listening to Indian songs ( my addict , since playing that IPL) . Graeme started to sing mixed up songs . It was great fun in the car .
I am a Facebook addict . I have to keep my fans updated . So you wanted to get updates , I uploaded many pictures of mine . You'll love my sleeveless pics( my tattoos get visible then ) .
Three days ago , I was hanging out with Ravi in the Lords Stadium parking lot . What a place to spend your time in ! Actually , we were sitting in Ravi' car watching Tom and Jerry on his car TV ( childhood memories) .
He is a good fellow , Ravi Bopara.
I am from South Africa and play for England . No wonder everyone calls me , " South African , why you play for England , play for South Africa".
Oh , you greedy Proteas , you have AB and Steyn , what else do you need! Eh ?
Four days ago Joe Root and I were drinking orange juice , when suddenly Joe vomited all of his juice on me . I took off my shirt and threw it on his face. Poor Rooty! ( oh dear). Joe looks 10 years younger than his actual age so it's easy to call him a baby . So I called him a baby and ordered him to clean up my shirt ( disgusting ...the vomiting part , not the cleaning one ) .
Five days ago , I had my ban. It's Alastair 's fault. Does he have to rely on the support of his players? That prince( your Highness). Alastair has high table manners and speaks just like a prince . A very rare type of prince he is ...the cricketer type. No prince would have scored a century on test debut ( just saying) .
This is the end of my diary . The other things are stored in my mind ( tear my forehead to check , if you don't believe me)
Bye Bye Diary ,
KP
PS: I guess I should play for the England side ( only under permission : which I hate)
( Well did you enjoy the diary . It might be a bit offensive but believe me , I like KP ( call him that or he'll give you a whack ) . However I needed to make the diary funny not boring ) .
#nimra
