Falling | Olajide Olatunji/KSI

Blurry Face | 1

I noticed the downpour, the rain thudded against the concrete like waves against cliffs. I knew I'd end up getting caught up in the storm and honestly I didn't care at this point, these past few weeks had been a spiral of torment. I shivered and let out a small huff when my clothes soaked through, with no umbrella by my side, all I could do was look down and walk.

Down the street I could hear a group of boys laughing their asses off and I wished I could have been in a environment like that. Where I didn't have to worry about the rain harshly hitting my skin, or my distaste of being alone. The boys turned the corner onto my street, they also didn't have umbrellas, but they enjoyed the weather apparently.

I ducked past them and avoided any interaction because as lonely as I was, I still hated being judged by strangers. My logic was flawed of course, everyone is a stranger at some point, you're just a blurry blank face until you have people come in your life, change your perspective, make it colourful or darker, and make it clearer for you.

For me, my blurriness hadn't ever been cleared, and I had no wish of it being cleared either.

I tried to get into Nandos. Their chicken meals were great pick for me because it was the only meat I'd eat, so I thought to give it a shot. However, I was kicked out because I was drenched, leaving me damp and cold.

Today was really infuriating and I wanted it to be over, so when the sun set and I was no where near my apartment, there was a sense of relief until I realised I was out here on my own in the middle of the night, and my phone was left at home. I didn't know what to do, so I tried to walk, but the casual walking turned into scared thumping of feet when I realised my completely rational fear of being followed could happen.

I clung to myself more, my jumper was like a second skin and felt as tight as a snake constricting against my waist. My breathing quickened, my lip quivered and my eyes started perceiving things as blurry, I stood still and breathed deeply, trying to get my breath back as much as I could. With a pounding heart, I stumbled on forward, my steps were rushed and hurried.

My hair was glueing to my face due to the immense amount of rain, my feet were soaked, my eyes stung and shivers shot up my spine time and time again. I whined and almost began running, the thought to flee was occurring more often than not, I was terrified, being out in the open with such vulnerability.

With one last conclusion, I sprinted, I ran for my life, every car was a threat. My head was poisoning itself, instead of normal drivers, I saw drivers with crazed eyes looking like they'd follow me in an instant.

I shook myself, trying to straighten myself out so I didn't look insane. I bent over, my breath had failed on me, but I was too fearful to keep still for long. I kept running, even if it murdered my lungs, I reached onward. When I reached home an hour later, I collapsed in a heap of relief and pain, I had to take many breaks, but I tried to get away as swift as I could.

My hands shook violently like a spring, they were jostled up and down in fright. I held onto the wall and cursed myself over and over for being so stupid. Tears leaked from my eyes and I slid down the wall, my back was pressed firmly against the hard surface, I couldn't find the will to move.

So I stayed there, I stayed and stared ahead, lost in thought. I held myself and barricaded my body from the world, I was so stupid, I should've never gone there.

I couldn't believe my idiocy, I was speechless and just wanted to curl up and become so small that i could be never seen. I sobbed once again and begrudgingly stood with wobbling legs, my feet didn't co-operate for the first few seconds, they were absolutely numb. I breathed another sigh of relief when I entered my room, finally having enough of today, I stripped down, got my night wear on and heaved myself into bed.

It seemed my overwhelming panicked tendencies were getting worse. My stomach felt queasy just thinking about the future, something bad was going to happen.

That was eventful, as you might be able to tell, this book will be quite mature, this girl obviously has a mental battle inside her head, so try to remember she isn't a confident social butterfly like the sidemen seem to be. This book is to look through a damaged person's eyes who found love in a popular idol, an idol to other people that would make her come out of her shell and stand up for who she was.