I didn't speak to you for over three months. Which in some ways wasn't long at all except when you consider that I have only known you for seven months... During the first four months that I knew you, you were extremely important. You were there any time I needed you whether it was help with calculus and chemistry or help with living.
I had to accept the fact that we could no longer talk. You love your girlfriend and she hates me so it's just how it had to be. This does not mean that I easily accepted it; it was quite the opposite. For weeks I would message you anyways, knowing you wouldn't respond. But then she'd go on to your account see that I've been messaging you when you get mad. I didn't want to be the reason behind any fights so I just stopped.
For a while, I hated you for this, and I think that was a good thing. I hated that I lost one of my friends and there was nothing I could do about it and it wasn't my fault. I hated that you could talk to other girls and not me. We never actually hung out in person and she thought I was a threat, but people you hung out with every day weren't.
After seeing you in my classes I finally just wanted my friend back so I messaged you and we talked for about 2 days and then we stopped again. I don't think it'd be that hard except for I see you everywhere around campus: in my classes when I eat when you're outside your dorm smoking. I wish we were just back to the phase where I was comfortable just walk up to you and say hi. But we're not the same.
We both changed, though in different ways. I've given up on almost everyone and automatically think they're going to leave because I have no evidence that they won't. You stopped being you, or at least for you I knew. Because the you I knew would joke around with me and we talked about the weirdest things and you act like a dork, but it was the best part. Now the conversations between us are short and cold.
I don't think we can ever be who we were before. We missed too much of each other's lives in those short months and now there is too much to catch up on and that's not who we are we don't catch up we just talk about what's happening right now. Having to accept this isn't easy either. Looking behind me in classes in seeing you or looking a couple tables over or looking a few feet in front of me and seeing you makes me feel what I felt the first few months I knew you and I want that feeling back. But I know it's not something we're going to get.
I just hope I can find another you.
Sincerely,
Katie
