A small country home in the dead of night. The kitchen light stood out bright against the surrounding darkened woods. A full moon rested in the sky casting a pale glow upon the landscape and illuminating the house and the barn lying across the lawn.
Madeline stood in the kitchen staring out of the window, across the yard, toward the barn. Her beloved husband Richard entered the room. He approached Madeline as she stood distracted, he reached out to her and as soon his hand brushed her shoulder she jumped, unleashing a short scream.
"You scared me!" she said.
"What's wrong,what are you doing down here?" he asked.
"I heard something so I came down to see what it was. The window was open. I went to close it and I thought I..."
"You what?"
Madeline hesitated, she looked out of the window, a shimmering glint of fear in her eye.
"I thought I saw something strange going into the barn..."
Richard cocked his head, "Strange? Like what?"
"I don't know, just...." she shook her head, "....strange...."
Richard sniffed and grimaced. He looked around.
"What's that smell?"
"I don't know,"Madeline said, "It smelled like that when I came in here."
"It smells like...." he sniffed the air again, "like a fart."
They exchanged a concerned glance, before once again turning their heads to look through the open window toward the shadowy structure as the white curtains danced in the nights breeze.
"Something is amiss." Richard declared, "I'll go get a flash light."
...
The interior of the post frame barn was musty, stale, clad in inky blackness, with cobwebs decorating the corners. It was old and broken down with large portions of the ceiling and walls missing allowing sparse moon light to peak through. Richard held out the flash light as he and Madeline entered.
"Oh, Christ, it smells horrible in here," said Madeline, she held her hand to her mouth to stifle a potential torrent of vomit.
"I feel like I'm going to be sick," Richard agreed.
As they made their way through the barn a strange combination of noises grew incresingly in volume. There was a kind of wet thumping, like something bumping into the wall over and over again, as well as the a frantic and strangely arrhythmic sound of...fapping?
"It sounds and smells like there's something jerking off and farting out here....what the fuck?" Madeline said.
Richard pointed to the back of the barn, "It's coming from over here."
The two walked further, deeper into the shadows toward the mysterious noises and smells. The sounds grew still louder. They rounded a corner to see -THE BATOPUS! It feebly flapped its wings and accidentally rammed into the wall repeatedly as it stared vacantly with a sad and stupid look on its sad and stupid face. Richard and Madeline both gasped and stared in horror, wide eyed and jaws agape.
"Oh, god! what is it?" said Madeline.
"It's hideous,"said Richard.
"It looks disgusting."
"What is that yellow foam dripping off of its tentacles?"
"Why does it just keep bumping into the wall, doesn't it even know how to fly?"
