Hating Intimacy #1

Hating Intimacy- Chapter 8 & 9

HATING INTIMACY.
CHAPTER EIGHT.

"I'm strong.
I'm a strong, independent and beautiful young girl
who doesn't need a guy to tell her who she is.
Yes all of this is true, but why can't I believe it."

Deborah's P.O.V

I place my shaky hands on the sink and take in a deep breath. I flutter my watery eyes close and open them once again staring at my reflection through the broken cracks on my bathroom mirror. Regret filled me instantly at what I just did, the mistake I just made.

I stumbled backwards on my feet feelings my legs give up and my back hit the a bathroom wall. I slid to the ground sobbing and grab a handful of my hair before pulling it painfully in frustration and let out a scream.

"Sweetie." My moms calls softly from the other side of the door. "Sweatheart please open the door for me." I glance up at my broken phone a few feet away from me.

"I'm so stupid." I say breathlessly.

"No you're not. Don't say that." She says soothingly. I put my head in my arms as I try to control my erratic breathing enjoying the silence. "Deborah? Deborah stay with me. Are you there? Answer me!" Her voice comes out scared as she knocked on the door in a panicked manner.

"Leave me alone mom." I croak with my head still in my shaking hands, I let my hair form as curtains around my face.

"Don't do anything stupid sweetheart. I need you to take deep breaths-"

"I'm not going to fucking kill myself!" I boomed with growing rage. "Yet." I added with a whisper.

"Deborah you don't have to open the door. Just tell me what's wrong. I'm hear to listen." she says softly and I sniff.

"You are never there for me. You're always too buys." I say weakly.

"I'm here now. And I'm here to stay." She replies. "Will you tell me what's wrong?" She asks.

I nod at her words before remembering she can't see me and mumble an 'okay' loud enough for her to hear.

"Could you come to the door so I can hear you better." She says. I don't reply and crawl towards the door before resting my back and head against the wooden surface. I heard shuffling from the other side of the door and realized she was mirroring my actions.

"Whenever you're ready." She says.

I take in deep breaths and hold back anymore tears. I calmed my crazy mind and let out a breath with closed eyes. I'm okay.

"Ready?"

"Ready." I reply. I run my hands through my wet hair glancing at the sharp pieces of glass scattered on the ground. My hands twitch but I refrained myself from picking one, no matter how tempting it sounds.

"Still there?" My mom asks and I let out a sigh.

"Yeah." I reply. I enjoy the peaceful silence before finally speaking. "Mom?" I call and she hums in response. "Do you remember that time I had a crush on him?"