I'm a Work in Progress

Chapter 2: Rising Tension

Class this morning is awful. It seems to drag on forever and I thought it was because of this professor. But then I remembered that it couldn't be him. This was my favorite class! Why was I so ready to leave, so worked up? Oh yeah, because I was hungry. Every day that I went without eating, or eating a little less, it only got worse. I became more hungry and less able to focus or concentrate on anything but this.

But I consider it a little win. A little bit less on my plate means a little bit less on the scale! I think I should probably pay attention to class today, though. Don't want anyone to think I'm slipping up on my grades. They would think something was wrong. Isn't that ironic? They'd think it was anything but what it is.

Today's class is about depression. How to deal with it, signs and symptoms, treatment options, and how you should treat a patient with it. Depression used to interest me, mostly because I always thought I had it. I was always feeling bad and putting myself down and some internet searches, well of course I must be depressed! Self-diagnosis is never very accurate is it? No, it turns out I'm just fat and I finally realized it.

Learning about depression makes me think of those commercials for antidepressants. I love when the first side affect is suicide. Well, I haven't been very happy in a long time let me take this medicine and make it better! Oh... Nope. Oops, it made me kill myself! Better luck next time, I guess. It's so ironic you have to laugh, no matter how sad it is.

I love irony as well... There's a bathroom stall in the hall of the building I'm in for this class where the stall reads "The two things I hate the most are graffiti and irony." I use that bathroom every time just for that.

"Sarah?" I heard my teacher, Dr. Watson, ask.

"Yes?" I replied hoping he'd not asked me a question.

"Just making sure you were still alive."

That was close. No wonder he's my favorite teacher! I guess I'd better start paying attention now, I think just as my stomach grumbles loudy in contrast with the silent classroom. Well, that's embarrassing. I feel my face heat up and my stomach tie itself into a knot hoping no one says anything.

I get a few amused looks and some small giggles, but that's all. I let out a little sigh of relief and prepare myself for the rest of the hour I will be in this class. Here we go.

*

Towards the end of class, just 5 minutes before we can leave, our teacher assigns us to the next chapter in our physchology book. That damned purple goldfish keeps me up every night! After assigned us this, he said we were free to go. Out five minutes early, yes! I can't believe I thought his class was dragging early.

I am always the last one out of his class. I always an the last one out of any class! I have so much stuff and I take it all out in every class. I'm still packing up when I hear him talking to another student, Marissa is her name, I think. "How's Britney?" That's funny, I didn't know they even knew each other.

I try to hurry and pack all my things and not listen to what they're saying but I can't help but hear what she says next, "She's fine. She's back in the hospital right now. 70 pounds... I don't know how we let it get this far. I didn't even notice... I feel so bad!"

I don't know who Britney is, but I know that she's got an eating disorder and she's now in the hospital where they are going to force her to fatten up again, poor girl. All that work for nothing.

I immeaditely close my back and grab the rest of my things and speed walk to the door, not wanting to hear anymore. On my way out I hear just one more thing, "Marissa, you can't blame yourself. There are so many people around you who struggle with an eating disorder and no one notices... It's lucky I could tell. I'm usually good at that."

Well, damn.

*

As soon as I get back to the apartment, I'm not greeted, and that makes me feel empty but relaxed. I miss him when he's not here, but it's so stressful how many questions he asks! I decide while its quiet I may as well get some reading done. I pull out my book and open to chapter four, and there it is staring right back at me. The ugliest words I could imagine, the ones I'm so scared to hear in relation to me, for I'll be caught.
Eating Disorders.

"Ugh, this class just got 10 million times worse." I said out loud to myself. Before I can start really thinking or freaking out about it, I hear the door to our apartment open. I jump to my feet as Erik comes in with a big smile on his face, and then see his fave change to concerned.

"Are you okay, babe?"

"Yeah! Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Great! You just scared me." I feel myself tripping over my words and getting flustered, but he buys it.

"Okay, good." The grin comes back and he's excited all over again. Worried, I ask him what mischevious thing he's up to. Then I notice all the bags in his arms.

"Oh!" I exclaim, "you got groceries! Sorry, let me help you. Is there more in the car?"

"Yes, there is but I want to go with you, its kind of heavy."

Groceries too heavy for me to lift? That doesn't quite make sense to me... I think about this and what that even means while climbing down the stairs to the parking lot in front of our apartment. Is he calling me weak?

When we get to the trunk of the car, he steps between me and the car, his grin about as big as his face. His happiness rubbing off on me I start giggling and ask him "What are you doing, silly!" Then he chuckles a bit and pulls me to him and kisses me, deep and slowly while holding my face, and then breaks the kiss and is still grinning like a maniac. "Okay, babe," I laugh through my smile, "you have to tell me what this is about!"

"I just want you to know that I love you so much", he says as clicks a button and the trunk lifts away from his expensive SUV Lexus which he says is too girly but has always been my dream car, and what it reveals surprises me so much I stop for a second, but only for a second.

" YOU GOT ME A PUPPY!!!", I scream as I turn around and jump into Erik's arms and attack him with kisses all over his face. "ILOVEYOUILOVEYOU!" He really starts laughing now, and I start laughing with him as I run to the baby husky with gorgeous blue eyes, and pick it up and cuddle it. As I pet it and play with it, I don't think I have ever felt this much joy! It is so cute and adorable and now it's mine!

"Well?" Erik asks me.

"Oh sorry, what?" I reply, completely oblivious.

Once again he chuckles and asks me, "What are you going to name him?"

"Oh... Good question. Hmm... Any ideas?" I turn to Erik.

He shrugs and says, "I have no idea. Plus, he's all yours babe!"

I jump up with the adorable baby husky in my arms and kiss him on the cheek. "I'll think of something!" I assure him, very cheerily.

Just as we reach our apartment and I put him on the ground it comes to me.

"SAMPSON!" I yell at Erik.

He turns to me looking a bit worried and somewhat frightened as well, "what?"

"Hahaha," I laugh and then tell him again, "Sampson! The dog! That's his name."

Erik responds with laughter and a kiss on my forehead just saying, "I love you, Sarah." I tell him I love him, too, and feel as if for once, my life is complete.