Almost Ok.

Chapter One

I was overwhelmed; my father saw it in my eyes. One night ago around July 30th he sat me down at our old oak table in the kitchen adjacent to the foyer. He had this calm tone about him, which was odd in a sense because he is normally very tense at all times. I didn’t question him at that time I just figured he would say something totally out there that was gonna change my life, but the only thing that came out of his slightly dry mouth was the words ‘Alternative School’. I gave myself a second to digest what I had just heard; the first thing that came to mind was drug addicts and failing students. My view was very stereotypical so it wasn’t my place to judge, but the school suggested it after my slipping grades and tendencies to sleep for periods at a time.

“Alternative school, what? Dad isn’t that only for dropouts or drug addicts” I asked curiously. He kept quiet for a second grabbing the loose sheets of paper on the table. “That’s what I thought exactly, Dakota. I asked the woman on the phone every possible question I could, like from how it would look on college applications to how would it help your current situation” he said still in his calm state, but all I noticed was his eyes, they kept twitching back and forth, he was keeping something from me, but all I have to rely on was assumptions.  “Current situation, I am not a slut you know” I said with an attitude.

I hear the sound of a child laughing, my son. I watch the doorway for him, the pitter patter of his tiny toes and the sound of my dog running after him. He had a fuzzy teddy bear in his diminutive hands which my dog, Roger seemed to love. I laughed as I cheered on my son in the race, and then I turned my attention back to my father who had a smile on his face also. The smile disappeared as he got into a serious tone, “Dakota would you consider it, you’re 16 and going into your junior year of high school, I would hate to watch your last two years of high school to slip like your first two” he said in a stern voice but now but it had a wheeze tone to it, one I am used to when he is sugar coating an issue. I had no reason to deny and I figured maybe I’ll have an easy last two years so I was all for it, “Ok Dad, what are you not telling me? I can tell by the way your eyes twitch and the tone of voice you’re using” I interrogate. “Dakota, the school is in Jasper, Kentucky. That’s a suburb about an hour outside Louisville. It’s the best school in the country for kids with different situations than most, and I trust the location. It’s safe, you don’t have to worry” he stated. This did not settle well with me, our home in downtown Chicago was so far from Jasper, but my Dad made this whole speech and he was obviously nervous and then he says “One more thing, I sort of already signed you up. I would have asked your opinion but I respected you by telling you in advance to departure but used my authority as your father and signed you up. You leave in 3 days on the 2nd of August.” He disclosed.

I could only imagine the look on my face, it could probably been used for a new meme. “Dad, but what about Seth, he is only 3, he just can’t be motherless for 9months he’s gonna think I have abandoned him.” I cried out. “Dakota that is what Skype is for, think of it this way, a new start and a new adventure. Don’t worry about Seth, your Mom already agreed to watch over him.” He said reassuringly. I sighed “Ok, I will make the best of it. With my 1.7 GPA I have no idea what college; even community would even consider me.” I laughed then continued “Dad what is the name of this school?” I wondered. He paused and then spoke “Death Trap Academy for Stupid Children”. It took me a minute to realize he was joking, but when he saw my face, I legit thought at that moment I’d have to change his diaper too. “I find too many things funny at age 52. It’s called Pine-Oak Academy, check it out on your laptop as you’re packing tonight.” He said gathering his papers and slowly getting up from his seat, grunting as if every move hurts. I am guessing sitting in a wood chair for 10 minutes kills during the middle aged years. I hear him yelling down the hall for my mom “Kristen…..KRISTEN! Could you put on some green tea please honey?” I laugh, I guess it was sort of an inside joke since he believes green tea is the drink from the gods.

I grab Seth from behind and twirl him around. He giggles as I carry him to my room on the second floor. I set him down near his abundance of puzzles and plush books. He always loved to see what I was doing; I guess he is a lot like me in that sense, always curious of other people. His appearance is close to mine but not quite me. He had dark chestnut brown curly locks with dark brown eyes and was more on the tall side for his age, while I sported the wavy light caramel hair and hazel eyes. By hair and eye comparison we seem like 2 strangers that just met, but the one thing that you can tell he is my son is the way he smiles with his bright white teeth and his laugh. I stand on my tippy toes by my closet door trying to reach my blue and maze University of Michigan duffel bag, I grip the edge of the handle and the bag drops on my face, Seth laughs then asked “You ok, momma?”. “Yes buddy, I am. Do you want to help momma pack for her trip?” I ask lowering myself to his level, he nods. I give him a simple task by asking him to grab my socks. His little arms tried to grab what looked like 6 pairs but he tried to hard which concluded with dropping them on the carpet. He looked frustrated and mad; his eyebrows got narrow just like him, the evil man. We don’t speak of the man that raped me at 13; we just say that Seth was conceived with the help of Jesus and me. But I couldn’t help but think of the man because Seth had the same expression as the man on the night of Seth’s conception. I told the kids in my class that I had an older high school boyfriend named Brad and that we had sex one night because he was moving away the next day but were stupid and forgot about a condom, the crazy thing is people bought it and it kept me from remembering that night, the real night.

Seth finally got all my socks to the duffel bag. He climbed onto my bed which was too high for him; I helped him the rest of the way by pulling him up. He looked into my eyes and asked “Momma, where are you going?” I quickly thought of a way to explain in simplest terms to him as possible. “Sethie, Momma is going to a school that’s a little bit far. Grandpa thought it would be a good idea. Grandma is gonna watch you here and you are gonna start preschool” I said giving him a hug. “But Momma, I don’t want you to go” he whined and I saw his eyes begin to water and his upper lip began to twitch. “Buddy I don’t want to leave either but I will be coming back, grandma is going to call us on the video camera all the time so I will see you” I said rocking Seth back and forth because he was now crying into my arms and was clearly upset and confused. “Seth I am going to give you Cheerios my stuffed giraffe, you know I would never leave him. You keep him and he should be your reminder that I am coming back” I said, but now my eyes began to tear up, I was becoming hysterical. I rocked him back and forth until he fell asleep, I walked from my bed to the other side of the room and placed him softly in his crib, I whispered in his ear as I pulled his covers up, “Seth. I love you”.