Love Only

VI

It's been two days since Camila came out of surgery and was transferred to a private room where the security is heightened to a maximum.

Two days since she is so close yet still so far from Lauren, as the brunette's pale hand is too still against the green-eyed girl's own. Lauren hasn't left Camila's bedside the whole time, only reluctantly taking bathroom breaks whenever she feels her bladder slowly failing on her. She doesn't want to leave Camila's side as she fears the brunette would wake up without anybody there to greet her.

But if Lauren is being honest with herself, she'd admit that the reason she doesn't want to leave Camila's side is because the warmth of the younger Latina's hand in her own and the constant beeping of the heart monitor beside her are the only hope she's clinging onto that somehow, Camila will make it, that she is only temporarily stuck in her dreamworld where she's frolicking under the rainbow with unicorns and giant bananas and lots and lots of bows while talking to the sun and moon and playing matchmaker. Lauren clings onto the hope that Camila will magically open her eyes soon and Lauren will be able to catch a glimpse of those chocolate brown eyes she loves so much once more, and see that beautiful smile on her face that does wonders to her soul.

Lauren clings onto the hope that Camila will get a second chance at life and that they will get a second chance at love..because goddammit, Lauren will never fuck things up again and just get her girl. For she knows this time around that, if she is given another chance, she'll cherish Camila and love her with every fibre of her being.

"Hey, Camz. It's me again," Lauren whispers softly, giving the still unconscious Camila a smile. The brunette looks like she's just sleeping, though the tubes and wires connecting her fragile-looking and pale body to the machines and IVs imply otherwise.

The neurotoxin coursing through Camila's veins gives her skin an eery bluish tint, as if the brunette is now just a hollow shell of a person instead of that lively bow-adorned girl Lauren loved all these years.

Luckily, the doctors and the authorities were able to identify the toxin as a poisonous protein called ricin--or a knock-off version of it atleast, since the real version is very difficult for anybody to get their hands on prompting the madman who shot Camila to only try and make them himself. They were also able to determine the severity of the toxin and because it was only a botched homemade version of the castor bean poison, they believe it wouldn't be potent enough to cause any real damage to Camila; though the doctors aren't that much certain so they still need to keep the singer in a coma to buy them time enough to fully flush the toxins out of her system.

She squeezes the brunette's hand and scoots her chair closer to the side of the bed, intertwining the limp yet still warm fingers with hers. It's amazing how their hands fit perfectly in each other's, like they are perfectly made to be each other's missing piece.

Lauren glances at Sinu who is sleeping in the couch on the other side of the hospital bed. The green-eyed girl had basically coaxed the Cabello mother to get some shut-eye as she hasn't been sleeping in the past couple of days as well. Sinu has been like Lauren's second mother, and looking into those eyes of hers filled with sadness and exhaustion breaks the raven-haired singer every single time. So they had compromised and agreed to take turns in sleeping and keeping watch today, and Lauren is grateful for it because she also wants to have some alone time with Camila, even though her mother is sleeping only few feet away from them.

"Leo finally knew how to play fetch today," Lauren says, smiling fondly as she looks at Camila. "Taylor sent me a video. He went and got the ball Tay threw. He wouldn't give it back to her though," The green-eyed girl laughs softly, unfazed by the silence she receives from the unconscious brunette. Talking to Camila as if she can respond back is what keeps Lauren grounded, as if the beeping of the heart monitor is enough of a response to know that she's still with her, that's she's coming back.

"And Dinah," Lauren adds and strokes the familiar hand in hers,tracing her fingertips over the grooves of the back of Camila's calloused fingertips. "Dinah came in here yesterday bringing lots of books for you to read when you wake up. Some of them are Ryan Gosling-related books because we know you love that," she scrunches up her nose playfully and chuckles.

"And that man," Lauren's smile falters, her expression turning into a thoughtful one, "h-he...he tried to kill himself," she added, "he hid a ricin pill in him when they arrested him and he attempted to swallow it before the cops even get to question him. But he was caught." Anger crosses Lauren's features and she tightens her grip on Camila's hand. "He doesn't get to do that. He doesn't get to fucking take his own life by choice when he didn't even give you any."

Lauren sniffles, trying to keep her angry tears at bay. "I wanted to hurt him myself, Camz. I wanted to make him feel the pain he made you feel, but then again I'm one to talk," she laughs humorlessly and clenches her jaws, "I hurt you too. I hurt you more than he ever did and I hate myself so much for it.."

Lauren wants to hate the man who shot Camila with every fiber of her being, but she knows that no matter how much she hate him, nothing can compare to how she hates herself.

"I don't deserve your forgiveness, the girls and I don't," Lauren's says, her voice barely a whisper as her chest tightens. "And I know you don't have to give me another chance." Lauren lifts Camila's hand and pressed it against her lips. "But if you do, I promise you Camz, I will never hurt you again. I love you so much.." The raven-haired girl closed her eyes tight, letting her brimming tears trickle down her cheeks. The thought of Camila possibly not wanting to do with her anymore hurts Lauren to no end, but at the end of the day, she won't be able to blame the brunette should she choose not to give her another chance. For she hurt her so much before.

"Dear God," Lauren whispers softly and her chest heaved as she begins to pray. "Please wake her.. I'll quit smoking and I will stop complaining about my life--I'll do anything, just please wake Camz up.."

She buries her tear-streaked face in Camila's palm and cries silently, filling her stuffed nose with the brunette's scent. "I'll stay away from her if that's what You want, God.. I'll keep my distance. Just please.."

Lauren jerks from where she is sitting when a loud beeping noise cut through the silence. Color drains from her face when she looks up at the heart monitor and finds green flat lines up on the screen, the shrill long beep ringing in her ears.

No. No no.. Fuck. No, this isn't happening..

"No no no, Camz!" Lauren stands up and hovers over the brunette. "Camz, no please don't do this to me. Camz!" She yells, not paying attention to Sinu who scrambles from the couch and is getting hysterical as well.

Goddamit, she can't lose Camila!

"Camz!" She screams again as she reached on the wall against the hospital bed and punches the emergency button many times. "Nurse!" She calls out loudly, her voice breaking getting hoarse. "Help!"

Dear god, why is this happening?