Through The Screen

Chapter two

"Jay?" I say in a quiet voice, eyes locked on his tan face and jet black hair.

It appears as though Jay from the Kubzscouts hasn't spotted me. That's both a good and bad thing. If he were to notice me, I don't know what I would do. At the same time, I want him to see me. I want him to notice me. I want to meet him.

'Please, notice me, senpai..!'

It is in that moment that I realize that he is starting to leave. I take in a deep breath.

"It's now or never!" I say to myself. I take another deep breath and start to run. "JAY!!" I shout at the top of my lungs, my voice echoing off these hollow walls.

Surprised, Jay turns around to see my tiny 110 pound 5"5' frame running over to him.

"Do I know you?" He asks. The sound of his voice makes me feel like I'm observing from the other side of a computer screen. I only now realize what it is that I have actually done. I begin to trip over my words.

"Well.. um- no. But- uh. I uh.. know you. I'm uh... well.... I'm a.... really big fan... and uh...." As if by fate, whether good or bad, the loud speaker once again goes off.

"Meetings are now over. Please exit the service rooms. Don't forget to thank those who came to visit you today. Thank you."

"WellItSeemsIHaveToGo. Bye. Um- Thank you for coming." I speak quickly, give him a low bow, ready to leave the awkward situation as quickly as possible.

" But wait!!!" I hear him shout. "I didn't even get your name."

I stop in my tracks a good distance away from him. I turn around to look at him one last time. "Elle." I attempt to say in my normal voice that came out more quiet than usual, not really wanting him to hear me at that distance. I quickly dash off again and head back into the library, my heart nearly beating out of my chest.

He was here for a reason. To adopt a child, right?! But I don't deserve to be adopted by someone like him. I'm better off watching from the other side of the screen.

I'm too... ME... to be adopted by ANYONE. Especially someone on YouTube. Let alone someone who I have been watching for well over three years. I just won't be able to handle it. I won't be able to act normally around any of them.

This is crazy. Absolutely insane!! What am I even doing?!

When I arrive in the library once again, I make my way back to the computer screen I was once sitting at and proceed to log back into my YouTube with shaky fingers. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest.

At this point, I know the only thing that can calm my nerves is to lose myself in YouTube. I click on an Albertsstuff video and relax in the wooden chair, connecting my headphones and leaning back.

It is like this where I truly feel at home. Whether I have one or not, Those I watch through the screen will always be my true family.

Several videos later, I find myself resting on my bed, back in my room, scrolling through Twitter. Laughing at what the YouTubers have to say about all sorts of random shit. Without them, I don't know what I would possibly do. It is because of them that I have truly learned how to smile. How to laugh. How to have fun. AND how to scream. Oh. And can't forget how to cuss like a sailor from good ol' Jay from the motherfuckin Kubzscouts. It is with them when I truly feel at home. I'm almost safe, in a way, when I lose myself in their videos. They are the reason I'm still sane in this godforsaken hell hole.

Today has been one hell of a day. Test in Biology and Algebra Funcation & Data Analyst, crappy dinner, bloody nose AND the freaking Jay of the Kubzscouts arriving uninvited, might I add!!

Well..... I guess ANYONE is invited as it is an orphanage and if they DIDNT allow anyone in, there WOULD be no adoptions BUT WHATEVER!!!!!

It's been a long day.....