People Change, Feelings Fade.

I finally realized what my life has really turned into. I wokeup one day, excited because there was a dance at school, a Winter Dance! Of course i was excited, as soon as I got up I texted my bestfriend Tyler. I asked him if he was going to the dance, I really wanted him to come because he's hilarious and I didn't wanna be alone since my girl bestfriend wasn't going to be there. I got up and picked my best outfit, it took me forever to choose but at the end I found the perfect clothes. I ate breakfast and ran down stairs to say bye to my mom. I went to school and looked at the clock every two mintues hoping that the clock would go faster! The dance started at 6:00pm and it was berly 8:00am. I was dying! I spent the entire day talking about the dance with some of my other friends. The time finally came and I was excited because it was my first dance. I went inside with a huge smile on my face. But it wasn't that fun at first, everyone was slow dancing while I was next to the snack table. At first i thought, "This is really getting boring , I should just go home now", when right after I see a bunch of girls coming up to me telling yelling "MARY!" making me go dance with Tyler, because supposedly he wanted to slow dance with me. I was scared at first, dancing with my bestfriend could be a bad idea, but I couldn't lie to myself. I knew I wanted to slow dance with him. So I said yes to the crowd of girls. He came up to me and put his arms around my waist as I put mine around his neck, then the song started. I couldn't believe it, I had butterflies in my stomach & felt amazing! I didn't wanna admit that he looked so gorgeous that night. We slow danced about 2 times, and eachtime he would get his face closer to mine. After that, I had my dad pick me up from the dance, I was happy the entire way home. I couldn't stop listening to the songs we slow danced to. Then, I started thinking, "Could I possibly like my own bestfriend?!". The next morning I went to school, we had p.e inside the cafeteria because my school was so lame and didn't have a gym. I was in there being all awkward with everyone who seen me slow dance with Tyler. I was happy though, and i was even more happy when i seen him walk into the cafeteria. He looked at me and smiled, I smiled back. One of my friends, asked me what was all that about. I told her everything about. After, she made me go sit with Tyler and his bestfriend. While I was sitting there, everything was awkward, and when I say awkward I mean REALLY awkward. I was wondering what he was thinking of me, it was a Friday and it was the last day before WinterBreak. At the end of the day i was kinda sad because I thought the day was gonna be better. So I left home, and then called my bestfriend Bay. I told her that I had a crush on Tyler. It took me a while to admit it. She kept bothering me about it but I liked it, I asked her to please find out if he liked me back. So she called him and put me on the other line. She asked him if he liked anyone and he said yea but he didn't think that the girl he liked , liked him back. And then he finally told Brianna who he liked, he liked me! I had a huge smile on my face, but since he didn't know that i was on the other line I tried not to scream or anything. Brianna told him to tell me about it, and he said that he was going to ask me out the last day of school but I left with my brother. I decided to text him first, then I asked him if he liked me .. It was scary because what if he really didn't and I was just making myself look stupid. He told me he did like me a lot and has liked me for a long time but I had a boyfriend so he didn't wanna make himself look dumb. After that, he texted me first every morning. His morning text messages were amazing, I felt like i was falling for him more each day. We started to get serious, he told me he was gonna ask me out the day we go back to school. I waited and it felt like forever. The first day finally came and oh my god i was so excited! When I first walked in the school, I had this good feeling inside. I sat on the bench outside with my friend. When suddenly, Tyler comes up to me, then gives me a kiss on the cheek, then he had a small purple box with a ribbon on it, he got on his knee and asked me to be his girlfriend. In that moment, my world went blank, and then everything brighter, it was something that i have never experienced before. I got up and gave him a huge hug say "YES!" . That night, he called me and we had a conversation of about 7 hours. I just loved talking to him and I never got tired of listening to his voice, we would talk almost everyday. One day we were at the library, in our computer class, I was so glad that he sat next to me, we would be holding hands for most of the time in class. The teacher turned around because she dropped some papers, and while she was picking them up Jonathan grabbed my face with his hand and gave me a kiss on the cheek. In that moment, my teacher turned around and looked at us hugging. She seperated us for the entire semester. And since that day that class was really boring, but that wasn't gonna stop me from being with him. Later on, we went home together, he dropped me off at my house and on our way there, he stopped walking at the corner, he put his arms arount my waist and i put mine around his neck again. He told me he felt something that he has never felt before for any girl. He gave me a kiss on the lips and then whispered the words "I love you" in my ear. I thought that was the cutest thing ! I said I loved him back. I hugged him literally so tight that I could feel and listen to his heart beat. I gave him a kiss on the cheek and left before my dad had the chance to see. Me and him got so comfortable with eachother, we madeout anywhere, even in class when we had the chance too. We were on the yard one day and we sat down in so benches on the upper yard because no one ever goes there. We were sitting there alone, we kissed for 98% of the time. His lips were so amazing & soft. I was holding his hand and then he let go, he started putting his hand on my chest and then started to go lower. I wanted to stop it but i actually liked it. His hand kept going down until he reached my bra. He started feeling on my boobs! I was scared but i had this funny feeling wich felt pretty good. He started to slowly get into my shirt, he was just there grabbing my boob while we were kissing more. The next day, was another dance, we slow danced more than twice this time, almost every slow dance, probably every single one. I just had this amazing feeling when i was close to him, he made me feel loved and like someone actually cared about me. I loved him so much. He was my first love... Next month, we had less time with eachother because i had a surgery on my ovary, I couldn't walk for like a month! I had to stay home and miss him! But it really started to bother me how he wouldnt even try to text me everyday or call me anymore. I wasn't worried, but i missed him and his voice was so adorable and i missed it. I was at home one day, on Facebook, just talking to my friend, when suddenly, this guy from my school messages me, Ethan. It was strange, I felt strange, but I replied anyway. We had a long conversation, he kept trying to flirt with me. Worst part was that I always had a secret crush on him since the 6th grade, but i didn't see any future with him. He told me he's been noticing me lately, like really? Now that i have a boyfriend?! I said "that's nice". We spent a long time talking, he was being really sweet and to be honest I've never had such an attractive guy talk to me before. I felt like I was doing something wrong, because I knew something was wrong. But I didn't wanna admit it. I said goodnight to him and went to sleep. At night time, I couldn't stop thinking of him, he was really cute. I still got no text from Tyler. I finally got the chance to go to school the next day, I was not really excited because what if Tyler found out that I talked to Ethan all night. I went inside the school, rushing to my class, with my heart beating like if it was about to come out. When suddenly I see Tyler, he comes up to me and hugs me tight, kisses me and tells me that he missed me. I felt weird, how could you just act like nothing was wrong. We walked to class together as I said hi to other people that i haven't seen. A week later, Ethan still kept messaging me every single day, he started saying that he was interested in getting to know me, I explained to him that I had a boyfriend and I wasn't going to cheat. That didn't stop him, he started asking me for hugs and kept on messaging me 24/7. Tyler stopped paying attention to me and I hated it because i was rejecting someone else who actually payed attention to me for him. I started replying back to Ethan a lot again. I felt like I was starting to like him. I called Tyler and we talked about how things were going. The next day, the same girls who were making me slow dance with him were telling me to breakup with him. I felt like yhey were hiding something from me, like if one of them liked Tyler, Tyler was really good friends with them, specially with Alice. I got a little jealous. A week passed and they kept bugging me about leaving him or else they would tell him that i was cheating on him with Ethan. One day i was at the library with my friend Mikayla, when suddenly we find Alice's notebook. I was feeling curious so i opened it. I looked through all the pages when i found something all the way in the back of the notebook, it was her and Tylers notes passed back and forth. As I started reading it, my world went blank, I couldn't believe it, I didn't wanna believe it. It was Tyler telling Alice that he liked her for a long time. I guess in that moment i was so dissapointed that I couldn't even cry, I was shocked. I felt as if someone just punched me in the chest, I could feel the pain physically. The next day, the girls kept on bothering me and I couldn't take it anymore, specially because I knew why they were doing. I needed a place to just cry, I decided to tell one of my teachers that I needed space at the moment so she took me out of my homeroom class .. At night when I got home I texted him, I decided to tell him about what the girls were doing since he asked me that why was I so sad that day. I told him him that some of the girls kept on basically threatening because I wouldn't break up with him, he didn't believe me.. All he said was "Mm sorry I don't think they would do that..." I started thinking, since he's not happy with me I should just let him go... I called him, I didn't want to, it took so much of me to just leave him.. but it was my only choice. I guess it did kind of upset him. The next day, I seen him hanging out with Alice and her friends. I was doing him a favor... After that day ended, me and Tyler were texting, he told me that he missed me.. I found out he was going out with Alice, I didn't want him to feel bad for me or something so I decided to go out with Ethan. For days, I cried because I knew I wasn't happy without Tyler, but there was nothing to do. A week later, I brokeup with Ethan. I guess Tyler brokeup with Alice too. Tyler started texting me, we started talking again, this time I wanted to becareful, so I took my time. He started giving me that feeling again, that feeling of love. Soon we started acting like a couple again. He would walk me home, we would still kiss, hug, and be together all the time. The sad part was that the year was ending, and I didn't know what we were gonna do. The last day of school came. We were in P.E, we were hugging most of the time, him chasing me around the yard, kissing and holding hands. Me and my class went to see a movie at the library. Me and Tyler were just sitting next to eachother, we held eachothers hands and fed eachother popcorn. When it was lunch time, I was pretty excited, i walked outside , I went to the upper yard to look for him. I went to go sit on a bench and just wait for him with my friend. He finally came up to me, he told me that if we could go somewhere private and talk. I said sure, so we went somewhere by ourselves just to talk. He seemed nervous, so I got nervous. I felt happy but I knew that something was wrong, he looked at me with those "Please forgive me." eyes. He held my hand and said "I'm sorry, but I think we need to stop this..." I had that pain that you feel physically again. It just instantly broke me on the inside, before I could say a word, tears started coming out. I left back running, crying my heart out to my friend. I just really felt hate and love combined. I can't believe he just led me on like that. I couldn't stop crying for the rest of the day. I just felt dead, dead on the inside and outside. My first love had broken my heard for the first time ever. I didn't know what to do. When I got home, all I did was cry. I hated myself for letting him lead me on and break me like this. Then I thought... I lost him, I lost my first love...