Powerless; Gawsten (sequel to Numb) [WattPride]

Powerless

Have you ever had those funny thoughts? You know, the ones you get randomly when you're bored or your dog ran off to find a stick and you're stood in the middle of a park, freezing cold.

I wonder what tree bark tastes like.

If I ate myself would I be twice as big or dissappear?

If the world ends do the dinosaurs come back?

Of course there's also the random thoughts.

If I skin someone could I use their feet as shoes?

Is it possible to piss for someone else so they don't have to?

Do fish think we're their Gods and overlords?

Everyone has those depressing thoughts that creep in occasionally.

Would anyone miss me if I died?

I've found seven ways I could kill myself using things in this car.

Donald Trump is president.

But what about those scary ones that you have when you're feeling stressed and confused?

I know where the knives are kept, I could kill everyone in this building right now.

If I cut them open how long would it take for them to bleed out?

Would the blood look pretty?

I could wash them in their blood and make them look pretty all over.

And then there's thoughts that I have daily. The lonely thoughts.

Will anyone ever love me the way they did?

Why did they leave?

Could I have prevented it?

Are they ever coming back?

Is it bad that I miss Geoff so much? I need to get over it, right?

But I can't! I just...it's hard waking up every morning without him. It's so damn hard. When we first found out about his illness I think I took it harder than everyone else. I don't give a fuck if it seemed like I was being selfish; I had already lost family members to cancer, I didn't want to lose my husband too.

I mean, I did lose him but the past can't be re-written. It happened for a reason I'm sure. Why else would Geoff be taken from me?

"Awsten you gotta get out of bed."

I groaned and rolled over, ignoring the banging from outside the door. It was too fucking early.

"Awsten get your ass out of bed before I storm in there and pull you out myself!"

"Fuck off Otto!" I yelled. I heard him huff. "No, I'm not leaving until you walk through this door."

Sighing I lifted my hand, flapped it around and dropped it back down. "Just get your ass in here." I called.

The handle squeaked and slowly the door opened. Otto's concerned and slightly pissed off face scooched into the room, followed shortly by his body.

He perched on the end of my bed before addressing me.

"Ok what's going on?"