Powerless; Gawsten (sequel to Numb) [WattPride]

Remembering Sunday

"You should come over. It's been like two years since we last saw you." Otto's voice comes out of the phone speaker. "I don't know, like I want to but I'm struggling to leave the house or even do anything. All I do is either cry or sit and stare at a wall. I'm scared to go outside mainly because I'm worried I'll see something that reminds me of him and just break down."

"Anxiety is heavy, depression's very real and I know it's hard Awsten but you have to keep reminding yourself tha-"

"That Geoff wouldn't want me to be sad I know it's what I keep telling myself everyday." Otto says nothing. "I'll be there in half an hour." I tell him. "Ok, see you then." He hangs up.

Otto's right, I can't let my mental health get in the way of living my life. I can miss Gee as much as I want but I have to move on. I will never forget him though, never.

-

The long gravel path seems to stretch and go on forever, leading onto a small farm house with a large field and two dogs running around outside. "Hey Godfrey, hey Lily where's your Mommy?" I crouch down and immediately Godfrey runs over and nuzzles me. "Hey baby, how you doin'?"

I spend a few minutes with Lily and Godfrey before hesitantly knocking on the door. Grace answers it with a wide smile, pulling me into a hug. "Awsten! It's been too goddamn long. Come in, Otto's in the kitchen. Otto? Otto! Are you getting more cereal?" She asks.

"Otto I know you can hear me, are you getting more cereal?"

"Define more cereal." The brunette asks before entering the living room. "Yes." He says sheepishly. "Hey Awsten, good to see you dude."

"You too." I smile. Flynn prowls around in a circle around my feet before running his head against my legs. "All my babies love you it's not fair! You have your own." Grace complains.

"What can I say? I'm a pet whisperer." Otto laughs and leaves to enter the living room. Sunshine streams in from the windows as I follow behind Otto and take a seat on the couch. It's always been a bright room, made brighter and happier by the wedding photos dotted around.

"Hey look, back when you guys were actually happy." I joke. Grace rolls her eyes and kisses Otto's cheek. "I'm gonna take the puppies out for a walk." She says. "Ok bae. Love you."

"Love you too."

Grace leaves the rooms and calls for Godfrey and Lily from outside.

"Ok what's going on with you?" My best friend asks. "Nothing, what are you on about?"

"You haven't seen or spoken to any of us since at least the funeral and even then you didn't speak to me or Grace. I know it's hard b-"

"Do you?" I interrupt. "Do you really Otto? Because as far as I'm aware your wife is still alive, you're still smiling and you can still wake up in the fucking morning knowing you won't be alone! You can go outside and hold the woman you love's hand. You can still see her smile, hear her laugh, hold her when she's sad or just when you want to. You can still do all these things and be able to sleep at night and not have nightmares about when you found out she was ill or remember when she died."

My voice grows steadily louder until I'm shouting and waving my arms wildly. "YOU CAN STILL FUCKING SEE THINGS AND NOT BE REMINDED ABOUT EVERY LITTLE THING! UNLESS YOU CAN LOOK AT THE FUCKING SKY AND NOT CRY BECAUSE YOU'RE REMINDED OF THE COLOUR OF HER EYES AND THE NIGHTS YOU SPENT UNDER THE STARS THEN YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA HOW IT FEELS!"

She looked so beautiful. Her white dress flowed around her feet and she had a smile to match her husband's. True happiness and true love.

"Here I got you a drink, it's been a kind day and you look like you could do with one." My husband passes me a clear flute with a yellowish bubbly liquid in it. "That's sweet but you know I don't drink."

"It's lemonade Aws, I'm not that stupid." Geoff said. "Could've fooled me." I muttered into the glass. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that and instead I'm going to ask you to dance which hopefully you will accept otherwise I'll look really stupid dancing alone."

"I will never say no to you but it would be funny to watch." Geoff took my glass and placed it next to his before offering me his hand. "I would only do it for you, you know I'm stupid for you." He said. I took his warm hand and together we walked onto the dance floor next to where Otto and Grace were swaying steadily to the beat.

"Congratulations." I whispered to Otto. "Thanks dude." He whispered back. Soon Geoff and I were swaying in time with them.

"It's just like prom all over again except Grace has a better dress." Geoff's breath tickled my neck. "Yeah except this time we're married and not getting engaged."

"True. Although I would give anything to marry you again. Seeing your face as you walked down the aisle made me realise that there was nowhere I would rather be and I wouldn't have changed it for the world."

"Me either." I looked into his eyes and as he captured my lips with his a very familiar song came on over the speakers. "Awsten Wigington, will you rule the world with me?"

Taken aback by my sudden outburst Otto looked down. "You're right. I shouldn'tve said anything."

"No, thank you. I'm glad you did." I say softly, smiling at the memory. "Why?"

"I remembered your wedding. I remembered when we danced. I remembered him." I don't realise that I'm sitting down until I'm thankful there's something there to support my tired body.

"Positive memories. Do you remember these a lot?"

"Yeah and it's like I'm there again you know? It's like he's always there with me." I smile through my tears.

"Awsten, he never left."

These are getting worse I'm so sorry. I'm trying to update every day at least more than once but I might not anymore. It's getting a little hard to make it exciting. I know what I want to write it's just getting the words out, you know? I'll still try to update everyday but sorry in advance if I either don't or if they're a bit shitty. I might edit them at some point in the future. Hope you liked it anyway :) xox