The Ravens Vent

my vent or more

My name is kyle Thorley. My nickname is raven. I am a fox furry. There are many things people know about me but not one peeson knows the real me. Not fully anyways. My favorite number is 13. Favorite colors are black and red. My favorite animal is a fox. Favorite food is ribs. Favorite desert is mint ice cream. Those are the main common things people know about me. My favorite book is warrior cats series. My favorite tv show is Dr who. My favorite band is five finger death punch. I love rock music. My favorite anime is no game no life. And akame ga kill. My favorite movie is Zootopia. These are me. These I havent hidden from people. But I think the mask that I wear for people needs to come off. Show my true self and be me not to impress someone make another feel guilty or make everyone hate another. I am a fox furry and love it. Ive alwayse wanted a suit of my own and enjoy being part of the fandom. Ive alwayse wanted to go to a fur con. I like both males and females. But when I love it hurts. It alwayse ends badly and I hate it. When my ex Ross broke up with me i just felt like I couldnt do anymore. Then I met ash and things changed. On 9/11 she asked me out and I felt whole again. Untill 3/9. Where I feel alone and tossed aside even as people reach for me I feel like the edge I'm going over there isnt enough to catch me with. My parents tried to give me everything but they never gave what I truly wanted and couldnt ask for. It was acceptance that I am my own person and I make my own desicions in life. They have a accepted a few things but the two ones I wish they did that never do. One is a I'm a furry. The other is that I have my own religious beliefs. I beleive in reincarnation and spirit animals. I don't beleive in a god. I am someone that when I love you it's more then words its me saying I will be dedicated to you that I will never leave Your side no matter how hard things can get. I'm not one to get hurt but when I am its bad. When people ask me where home is I just look for the people I care about and say there. I have 3 ruels that will piss me off if you break them

1. Dont mess with my live life.

2. Dont mess with the family I care about

3. Dont mess with the freinds i hold set to heart.

Those are the three ones i have but there is a fourth that i keep unspoken when I shouldn't. Dont interfere with the things I am passionate about wether you agree or not it is not your call to tell me no.

What's normal for the spider is chaos for the fly. I live by that and know that even if I judge someone that they are as normal as I am. When asked about my freetime I would say I Like to play video games and spend time with people i love. If asked what my biggest weakness is then I would reply love. I put to much into it because I feel dedicated and then I get hurt. If asked what I wanted in life I would reply that all I want is to be in a quite place by the ones I care for. I'm not a person who wants much but I still have wants. The list of happy moments in my life are sparce and few.

1.  Met my best freind Taylor.

2. Met my best freinds gabby

3. Graduated high school.

4. Came to job corps.

5. Met Ashley

6. Finaly acquired a fur suit

Those are happiest times for me since 7th grade. Describing my home life I would say that most people would want it but not me. I hated fighting with my mom ever other week because I had different things i wanted. I was handed almost anything I wanted so long as I was good but few things I wanted I never could have or never could ask for. I felt like i had to hide the true me and not show it just so that it was easier.

My biggest outlet in life is poetry. Man I love it because it speaks the truth. It just makes you feel. If i die I want to be burried in either my fursuit if i have it by then or jeans tail and a hoodie. Not much is able to fase me but when I'm commited to something and it rejects me it just hurts. I found the love of my life even if I'm not hers. Ashley Jordan Thomas has probably been the best love I've ever wanted. I just wish that it never ended between us. I lost my anal virginity at 18 to my ex boyfriend Ross. I lost my regualr one to my ex Ashley. In my time alive ive had some joys but to be honest its all been more sorrow. I sometimes ask myself how I make it and now in the past month its worse. I force myself to tackle the day because I have to. No matter how much this pain in my heart feels I just have to walk even if ive been dead for awhile. I dont regret a single thing in my life nor a single desicion ive made. Ive been called a golden lover because of how I treat them and as much as that title is great I dont see joy in it if I can't be with the one I love most. So as for my lifestyle i find a lot of things enjoyable. Just being me when im free to be. When asked what I would want to be when I grow up to be honest I dont think anyone can actually answer that truthfully. So recently ive started getting tired. Not sleepy but emotionally. Ive only got one person I hate life. In my time at job corps I made freinds and lost some. But it wasnt untill June that I started my first thoughts of suicide. Then I met some people and it changed for awhile before it hit again in march. Even the day I write thos I fight demons in my head. If I ever decided though to actually kill myself I would send this link to the ones I consider family with the contact info for each other and my parents. I actually only blame myself for how my life has gone even if someone else thinks they r the blame. I only write this for now so as to vent to something and just get my heart or what's left of it onto paper.  If I do ever send this to people congrats because not only do o want you at my funeral but it means your the ones that ment the most to me in life. The only one I wont send this to is my sister. In posting this as I go because I feel like maybe if its put there then maybe things will change for the better and I might actually have what ive wanted. Just dont pray for me or anything like that I dont need it. What I need is just an end to the emotions I'm feeling right now. anyways ill keep updating this when I can but I dont k ow how long between. But this will be called the ravens vent.