His Paper Heart ✓

•9|His Fixer Upper

IF YOU EVER SEARCHED UP THE WORD 'LIE' IN THE DICTIONARY, you'd get something similar to this: A false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentional untruth; a falsehood. Saying I didn't mean to lie to my parents would be another lie. Two untruths in one day. I'm now a fully, pledged sinner.

I feel my stomach tighten when I take my seat in the reconciliation room, facing the priest. This is not like me. I grew up loving the sacrament but thinking about it, since I started confession two years ago, I've never truly felt like I have done wrong. If anything, I always tell God He has done me wrong. He has made me the way I am. The sicker twin, the weaker twin, the ugly twin. Maybe that is my mistake. The Bible says 'we've all sinned and fallen short of His glory'. My mother says confessing your sins wipes the slate clean again and makes you spiritually strong. I need that. Originally, there was a long queue to the priest and that gave me ample time to pray and reflect. I feel heavy, like layers of dirt is stuck to my skin unable to come off. I tuck few strands of hair behind my ears and exhale.

"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. My last confession was almost a year ago and these are my sins now. I lied to my parents. I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night to see a boy and when I came home, it turns out the cop who caught us had called my parents to tell them a boy named Ian McGill had tried to take me and the boy I went out to see had saved me, even though they're the same person and I haven't told my parents I had a problem with my health while I was away," I explain. The priest is silent for a while and I feel my pulse hit against my skin.

The police who caught Gray and I, originally called my parents to tell them I was with a boy called Ian McGill. Two hours later, according to my father, the cop called again to tell them Gray saved me from Eric Tillman. It has Gray's name written all over it. He bribed the officer. He said he would fix it and I lied to protect him. I lied to my parents and they were so worried.

"I understand," the priest starts, "but my child, when you tell a lie, you're going to tell another to back it up. Then, what started out as one white lie, would have turned into two then three then four. Think about your family. They're worried sick thinking someone tried to kidnap their daughter. As a safety measurement, they'll tighten security around you and you can't go out anymore. Whatever happens, you're still going to lose, tell the truth or not. But at least, speaking the truth will relieve you from guilt.

For your penance, please pray 2 Hail Marys," he concludes.

"Yes." I nodded. The priest stands up from his chair and shares a warm smile with me.

"I invite you to make an Act of Contrition," he says. I kneel down in front of the little statue of the cross and close my eyes.

"My God, I am sorry for my sins with all my heart. In choosing to do wrong and failing to good, I have sinned against You, whom I should love above all things. I firmly intend, with the help of Your grace, to sin no more and to avoid whatever leads me to sin. Our Savior, Jesus Christ, suffered and died for us. In His name, my God, have mercy," I whisper.

I am quiet, listening to the priest say the prayer of absolution and I wonder if I should tell my parents the truth. My conscience says yes, though my heart doesn't want to get Gray Easton into trouble for my mistake. After all, I snuck out to see him about something so senseless.

"God the Father of mercies, through the death and resurrection of His Son, has reconciled the world to Himself and sent the Holy Spirit among us for the forgiveness of sins. . ." After he finishes, I say:

"Amen." I sigh before standing back up.

"God has forgiven your sins. Go in peace," he says.

"Thanks be to God." After thanking the priest, I leave the reconciliation room quickly to complete the penance he assigned to me.