"And in the end we are all just humans ... drunk on the idea that love, only love, can heal our brokenness."- F. Scotts Fitzgerald .
When I first read this quote, I was consumed by it. To be quite honest, I have never felt so offended by literature. How was it possible that love couldn't fix everything? That all the stories i would read as a child of having the perfect prince charming save the fair maiden and live happily ever after not be the solution. How can Fitzgerald be so cruel as to ruin my childhood dreams with such an arbitrary statement?
After I learned the truth about love, and what it meant to be in love I knew that this quote would mean everything to me. Now that I learned my childish fantasies, were just, a fantasy. I finally understood that love was never a cure ,but a terrible disease. An illness that spread into the minds of lonely adults and teenagers. Love was never a solution, but rather a distraction from the problem that bites at everyones core. It was a sad truth, that love couldn't heal me nor my brokenness, but merely fain happiness long enough to hurt you in the end.
Since I could remember I have always loved this place. It has been my escape from the real world since I was 10 .
A forest in the middle of California can be so vibrante so refreshing yet so dark and cold .
In my hideout the trees are tall and wide, the grass is so long when I lay in it, I can cover my body .The flowers here are a dark shade of red and very few flowers are white and yellow, but the yellow and white are nothing compared to the red ones .
I come here to be alone and block out all things normal. Here is were I come to lay on the grass and read or listen to music.
I lay on the grass and lean onto the bark of a tree and just breathe in the fresh air . In my paradise I can feel so alone and isolated, but who said alone and isolated is a bad thing ? I love to be here alone , I love to be alone and keep to my thoughts .
My life has always been planned out, I am to live a normal life, go to school, college, gain a career, get married and have children . The American dream right ? This is the plan for me, well at least it is the plan my parents have for me, but I want more .
Quiet frankly I want adventure I want something memorable, something exciting, something to fill the emptyness, something .... Anything.
My parents say I am too isolated and worry that I am depressed, but I'm not .I'm not sad nor depressed ... I just don't feel anything . Ever since the incident that occured at school, I guess you can say I am not the same. I'm numb to feeling. Who new that a cooling sublime feeling could be so bad. Sure I laugh or cry sometimes but is that all there is in life to be happy for a moment and sad the next ? Now that I ....am all alone in this hell hole.
Today is exactly two weeks until school ends, and I couldn't be happier about it everything in that stupid school brings back memories, bad ones.
I stand up, pick up my book bag and begin to walk to my house which is not to far from here. This part of the forest is about a quarter of a mile away from my house. As I walk home I reach into my back pocket and takeout my iPhone. I press down on the on top button to turn on my phone and check my phone ... 6:39 am.
"Shit" I whisper to myself . I begin to rapidly pick up the pace and finally get home after a record time of 8 minutes .
"Hurry up Violet! You're going to be late!" My mom yells as I go up the stairs .
"I'll only take 10 minutes to get dressed " I yell from the top of the stairs .
I quickly took of my jacket and shirt and skim through my clothing. I randomly pick out a green flannel and pair of black jeans . I quickly slipped into my clothes ,tied my hair into a ponytail , and run down the stairs. I kissed my mom goodbye and head out the door in record timing.
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When I finally arrive to school I park my old, blue and white pick up truck in the student parking lot, grab my backpack, and converse then rush into the school as it ... Ofcourse .... starts to rain.
"Fuck ! Fuck ! Fuck ! " I cursed as my socks on my feet where steping on the pebbles that hurt really badly. I run back to the car to retrive my umbrella and avoid getting wet, but with my "good fortune" my umbrella is blown away with the wind and I was forced to run to the school. A deep fog began to set in and as I cross the street I see a bright light come toward me. I freeze like a deer in headlights. My mind is telling me to move, but my body won't listen . I hear a sharp break so I quickly turn my face and brace for impact.
After a couple of seconds of realising my body was still fully functional I opened one eye and slowly stood up and turned to see what had happened to the headlights. As I turned I notice that I was literally 4 inches away from a motorcycle.
Four inches is what separated me from being in the hospital under intensive care. The cyclist got off his bike and quickly took off his helmet.
He was a tall toned guy wearing a white t-shirt, black skinny jeans, black converse, and a black leather jacket . His eyes were a deep shade of blue and his hair a golden brown or blonde color. His nose was all scrunched up and in that moment I realized he was yelling at me. I quickly snapped out of my post-traumatic spell and focused in onto what he was saying .
"What the fuck is wrong with you? Was it so hard for you to look both ways before crossing the street? You could have been killed ! I can not ...."
I completely ignored him and began to gather my things off the floor. As he was yelling his heart out, I felt him grab my wrist and pull me toward him.
"Are you even listening to me ?!" He stated in a stern and angry voice .
I tried to pulled my hand back but he would budge, then in an equally angry voice I yelled back ," Well, if you had read the speed limit posted on that sign in bright neon yellow, you would know you are suppose to be driving at a speed limit of 10 ! Since and idiot like can't possibly be able to read a fucking sign ,I can see why you almost killed me ! "
He stood there staring me down .His icy blue eyes battling my hazel ones . I then realized he was still holding on to my wrist and on to my lower back . We had very little distance between each other and I new I had to get out of his death hold. Hit him in the stomach my mind screamed and I quickly acomplished this goal by hitting him ... Hard ... I picked up stuff off the floor and ran leaving him outside in the rain. As I opened the door I heard him yell
" oh you son of .."
I finally got into the school when I admitted myself into the attendance office. The lady in the front desk forced me to take a seat while she went to get more tardy slips. I reluctantly sat down with no time in my hands I knew at any given moment HE would be coming here to get his tardy slip as well.
