I peel the pictures off of my wall next to my bed. All the things I love captured into a collage. It's time to grow up now and start a future. Boy Bands and rock/indie bands aren't the "love of my life" anymore. Tuukka is. Which is mind boggling. Am I really ready to fall in love? Have I already started?
I'm so use to being on my own. It's all I've know for the past three years now. College and my record store were my only priority and now it's maintaining a relationship. Hell, I'm basically done with college. I have what, one exam left? And that's my Drama exam. I don't mean to brag but, I'm gonna ace that shit. I'm officially an adult. Out on my own for good. The good news is I don't have to worry about a job, I own a record store. Bad news is I'm an adult.
And next month I'm going on tour with One Direction. This is all happening. I'm doing what I've always dreamed of and more but, is this who I am? The biggest crowd I've every gotten was maybe like a hundred people. Not an Arena packed with screaming girls. I feel like this is all happening so fast.
Am I ready?
I feel a tear roll down my face as I hear "Cathedrals" playing softly throughout my comfy apartment. I sit on my bed and bring my knees up to my chest. I cover my face with my hands as the tears come faster. I breath heavily into my hands.
"Cosette baby, are you okay?" I hear Tuukka's voice
I look up. He has a couple of empty boxes in his hands. He sets them on the floor and walks over to the bed and sits next to me.
"Are you okay?" He asks again
I shake my head slowly and look down at my knees.
"What's the matter?"
More tears stream down my face, "I'm," I look at him and he looks so concerned "I'm terrified."
"Of what?" He puts his arm around my back and pulls me into him and then wraps his other arm around my legs, hugging me
"Everything."
"What do you mean? The tour? Moving in?"
I nod my head, "I'm so scared, Tuukka. I don't want to get hurt. Do you know how many years it's been since I've been in an actual relationship?"
"No..." He whispers
"Five."
"Oh." he answers
"Being alone is all I've known for the past three years Tuukka. And if we're counting relationships too then it's five years of loneliness.
I was okay with it too. I just let it happen. I didn't try to put myself out there. I didn't want to. And now I just...please don't hurt me Tuukka."
He let's go of me, "Cosette, look at me," I do so and wipes my tears away "I will never ever hurt you. Do you hear me? Nor will I let anyone try to hurt you. I'm in complete love with you Cosette. And I will never let anything happen to you. Okay?"
I nod, "okay."
"But please don't keep secrets from me. And by that I mean, if something happened in the past that you haven't told me, I'm gonna need to know sooner or later. You don't have to tell me right at this moment but, I know you're sad. And it's not for no reason. I can see the pain in your eyes all the time, even when you look happy there's always that faint distant look. I want to help Co. And trust me whatever you have going on isn't going to make me love you any less. Alright?"
"Well for starters on not keeping secrets...I have something to tell you."
"Okay, go ahead."
"I kinda own Alternative Records..."
His mouth falls open and then he shuts it and smiles. He nods, "that's uh, big news. Why didn't you tell me?"
"I was being what you call, modest."
He nods,"well I'm glad you told me."
"Yeah, Briar co-owns it."
He nods, "anything else."
I purse my lips. Telling him about my high school past might be a bit too much right now, "I'll start you with this and I'm not going any further with it until I'm ready to tell you everything. Okay?"
"Alright."
"I do have a past back home. It's not bad like criminally or drugs. It's more than you're average high school drama kinda thing. That's all I'm saying. No questions or comments, please?"
He nods, "thank you. Now, do you need help with packing up?"
"Yes. Dougie is on his way so we'll have more help then."
"Hey," he says tucking some hair behind my ear "I know it's scary going from loneliness to moving in with a guy but, we're gonna do this together. I love you Cosette, I mean it."
"And I love you Tuukka. And I mean it. I do. I'm terrified but, I'm ready."
Hello xxx. I know that this was a VERY short chapter compared to my others but I'm trying to update more and in order to do so, I have to start making the chapters a little shorter. They aren't all going to be as short as this but some will. I might add on to this one, we'll see. Thanks for reading, please keep voting it means the WORLD to me!! I love you guys!!
