Leanne | ongoing

004

dear diary

i am swamped. my work is just too much.

schoolwork, i mean.

it's like trying to swim in them middle of the ocean, wind battering the waves in your face, unable to see the bottom, your heart racing and your fear making you want to die.

my grades are suffering because there's TOO MUCH.

and then i sit and twiddle my thumbs, wasting away valuable time.

i get so mad at myself. i hate that i do this.

so i eat.

i don't know why- but it's my comfort, something i love doing.

i gained 10lbs in the past five weeks. TEN pounds.

oh, well.

i met a couple of kids that i'd been observing. they were nice... but i feel like such a klutz with conversations.

and i am scared to be alone.

with much love,

leanne

p.s. i am scared for my friend. she's stopped eating. she says she's fighting it, but i am just so scared she doesn't. how is she blind to her beauty and her perfection??

and here i am, stuffing food in my mouth to comfort my own insecurities.

we're like two opposites. black and white.

both the same... yet dealing with it differently.