Leanne | ongoing

018

dear diary,

i haven't posted in over a year. i think.

i had to, though. my mind is so confused and my emotions are so torn up and, as i sat here and thought of what i should do, how i could recover, i remembered this.

what does one do if one comes to the realisation your best friend has been manipulating you these past five years?

maybe not intentionally, i know that.

i feel backed into a corner, guilty for things i didn't do wrong. but when i try to think of the reasons why i'm not at fault, i forget and i'm confused and i feel like i've gone absolutely crazy.

how could i think this of my best friend?  how can i feel this about her?  how dare i assume that she's manipulating me when there was just a simple misunderstanding once?

a part of me knows it wasn't once.

a part of me knows that i'm not the one at fault -- that there are other people who will confirm the facts.

why can't i sustain a solid friendship besides the two girl friends i've had since i was ten? two friends in my eighteen years who haven't stabbed me in the back.

trusting is hard.  loving will be worse.

friendship is faulty.  is it even worth it?

lots of love,

leanne