Solitude (Slight M)

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Chae Won

The soft light pierced through the door woke me from my deep slumber. It has been a while since I was able to experience such peaceful sleep.  I opened my eyes and wandered my sight to the spacious room. This is where it happened. And with that the memories from last night came rushing through my mind. I cannot help but blush and sheepishly smile. The kisses, caresses and words of affection that we exchanged made my heart pound a million times faster. No wonder people find pleasure in it, because it is not only a satisfaction of physical desires, but more so an expression of their utmost love, trust and dedication to each other.

I already missed Joong Ki’s warm skin against mine, and so I reached out for him, but to my horror he was not there. I quickly rose from my laying position and found myself wearing my sok ot. Was it just a dream? It cannot be. I can still feel the traces of his kisses on my skin, and the undeniable soreness of my limbs. I was about to find him outside when I heard the door creak open, and relief flooded me as I saw Joong Ki enter. In a swift I was already up and clinging to him.

“I thought you were gone. I thought you left me. I thought last night was only a dream.” Unexpected sobs escaped my lips. His hold on me became tighter and I felt his lips kiss my hair.

“I apologize for not being there when you woke up, Chae Won. I needed to appear before the other gungnyeos, otherwise they would be suspicious about my whereabouts last night. Please do not be sad, my love.” His deep manly voice whispered against my ear. His term of endearment sent shivers down to my spine, not that I am complaining though. I love every piece of him.

“In case you doubted about last night, look behind you.” When I did, I was surprised to see the evidence of my purity on the futon’s white linen. Patches of scarlet served as proof that I gave myself to Joong Ki the previous night.

I turned to meet his loving gaze, he was wearing a handsome smile despite his female appearance. I could see joy, pride and love on his face; I could not help but return the smile. “Thank you for taking care of me, Joong Ki-sshi”. I guess calling him as my older brother or “oppa” is inappropriate now, given the intimacy that we have shared. He gathered me once again in a warm embrace, “Anything for you, Chae Won-sshi.”

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Joong Ki

Bliss is an understatement to what I am currently feeling. Chae Won is indeed mine, and I hers. I would do anything just to live in this feeling forever, but reality is nevertheless telling us that we cannot bask in this happiness for long. Soon enough we have to face the demons of our current predicament. Chae won may have given herself to me first, but later on she also has to give herself to the king in order to fulfill her duty as a hugung.  I just cannot bear the thought for the moment.

I was fortunate to sneak into our room before any of the other gungnyeos woke up. I hated to leave Chae Won alone in her room, especially in her vulnerable state, but we cannot afford to be caught.

I can feel Chae Won’s warm breath on the crook of my neck, her heart steadily beating against mine. I wanted to bask myself into this moment, with her being so close and clinging on to me as if I am her life line. But being aware of our current roles in the palace, I slowly untangled myself from her. Retrieving her discarded sok ot from the floor, I carefully wore it back to her. Chae Won seemed to be in a deep because she did not even flinch when I left her side. I took a final look at her form before retreating the room, my beloved Chae Won. I admire her more for her being strong amidst the complications of our relationship. I always dreamed of being her husband, and the father of her children. I sighed at the thought, I need to do something for this dream to be true.

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