What To Say

~~Jessie~~

I woke up the next morning felling something poking my butt, oh my god. I thought fast and pushed Matt off the bed.

I looked over and saw he was still sleep. What's up with this guy, did he not feel it? I got up and started to poke his face. I'm happy Matt came to this school, even tho it seems like iv been in more pain then ever. I stood up and put a cover over him with him still on the floor.

As I was walking to the bathroom my body ached, I looked and the mirror and saw red marks on my face and then some on my back and stomach.

I forgot those girls beat my up yesterday. I sighed, why can't I live a normal life and talk, it's not fair. If I could talk this wouldn't happen.

I took a shower and then stepped out and put a towel around myself. I walked out and saw that Matt wasn't on the floor anymore.

Suddenly I felt two hands wrap around me waist and I jumped.

"Morning, you feeling ok?"

I nodded me head saying yes. My face didn't show it but as he was holding me it really hurt. The bruises weren't healed yet.

"Well that's good, I'm going to take a shower and then we can start to walk to the school."

No... I don't want to, I thought. I just smiled and nodded at Matt and watched him go to the bathroom.

I got dressed but not in my uniform. I put on some shorts a hoodie with a skinny strap under it with black thigh high socked and some converses. I grabbed my purse and ran out the room.

I didn't want to go back to that school and the last thing I wanted Matt to see was me crying. So I'm just going to take the bus to the amusement park. That will defiantly get all this crap off my mind.

I made it to the bus just in time, when I took my seat, I suddenly went into tears. I hate the way I am, I can't talk and I can't ever protect myself. This sucks I just wish I could die. I looked into my purse and saw one of my old blades that I used to use when I cut myself all the time. I pulled it out and just looked at it.

Do I really want to do this? Iv been so good with not cutting, u can't even see the scares on my arm anymore. Do I really want to take all that progress away? Then I though of yesterday, and the fight.

Right before I was going to cut myself, I felt someone grab my arm. I looked up and saw a guy around my age looking down at me.

"What the hell do u think ur doing?"

I was shocked and didn't know what to do. I snatched my hand back and tried to cut myself again, but he grabbed the bladed away from me. He then sat next to me and sighed.

"What's making you want to do this?

Right when he said that I stared to cry again. My life was fucked up and I didn't want to have anyone know about it.

"I guess I shouldn't have asked that, I'm Kevin, stop crying already, tell me ur name."

That got me piss, who the hell does he think he is, tell me to stop crying.

I grabbed my note pad out of my bag and wrote "Jessie"

"What's this, what you don't like talking? What a freak" He said laughing.

It's not that I don't want to talk I can't talk. Who is this guy. If I'm such a freak then leave me alone.

"I'm a mute" I wrote.

"Oh, sorry, so what u can't talk or something?"

"Well duh, don't you know what mute means?" I wrote

"Don't make me sound stupid!"

Well by the looks of it I think he is. I wonder what school he goes to.

I wrote "What school do you go to, I haven't seen you around my private school."

He laughed, he put the blade back in my purse and looked at me with sad eyes. "I'm a drop out at the moment, I left school about 3 months ago."

I looked at him shocked, how could he be a drop out, he looks the same age as me. I wrote " What made you want to drop out?"

He kinda looked angry when I said that so I scooted away from him a little, he noticed and said " Why'd you move away, I'm not going to hurt you," he moved closer to me, " I dropped out because my dad got my mother addicted again," he started to get mad again, "he told me that he was done with that stuff, but when I saw my mom almost dead on the floor, I knew I had to stay with her 24/7, to make sure nothing ever happened again."

He let out a deep sigh, I hadn't noticed but I was staring in awe at him. He started to look nervous.

He said "could you stop looking at me like that, now your the one scaring me."

I fixed myself and stared straight ahead. What a life, he seems like he has a lot going on but that doesn't mean that he should have to give up his education because of it.

I wrote "I have a lot going on too, I mean I'm a mute, no one likes a mute, iv been dealing with this my whole life, but recently I met someone that helped me see that everything was going to be alright," all I could see was Matt in my head, "he helped me understand that people are going to try to set you back but you have to keep pushing forward and not take the easy way out, " I looked up at Kevin, "I think you should go back to school, you not helping your mom by not getting an education, if anything your hurting her."

He laughed "You sound like one of my counselor, but I guess you're right," he looked at me with a smile, " thanks for the talk, you really helped me see things in a new perspective," he got up from his seat and took my board. He wrote something and gave it back to me. I looked and it was his phone number. "Give me a call sometime, I really enjoyed talking to you." He smiled and got off at his spot, I didn't even have time to write bye.

I looked down at his number again, should it really be ok to call him, I mean, would Matt be ok with it?

MATT!!! Shit he's probably worried sick. I looked at my phone and saw about 20 missed calls from him.

I sighed, I'm in big trouble now.